


Skeletal Shenanigans in Scrambled Shambles

by NameNameDoesStuff



Series: The Feral, the Fused and the Foolish [1]
Category: Undertale, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Multi, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Reader Is Not Chara, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader x Everyone, Reader-Insert, Surface timeline, combined AU timeline, more are introduced, skeletons in the closet (literally and figuratively), the big tropes, undertale - Freeform, x Reader, you only meet some of the skeletons at first.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2020-10-11 22:44:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 34,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20553902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NameNameDoesStuff/pseuds/NameNameDoesStuff
Summary: It was extremely cold out, so you decided to go back to the large but poorly insulated cabin in the poorly insulated woods that was your winter home to escape the cold of the even more poorly insulated apartment that was your "everywhere else home." Sounds just like the plot of any horror movie. Just like in those horror movies, you find it full of nightmarish creatures of all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life.Nah, just joking. They're skeleton monsters who only come in five sizes. Child sized, small, medium, large, and "why the hell are you comparing skeleton monsters to soft drinks. What is wrong with you."Of course, you don't get to meet them all. There are still more skeletons in the woods, and you've only met ten of them right now.Later on, you find that the woods are home to dozens of them. Some of them even surpass the "WTHAYCSMTSDWIWWY" size.





	1. Out of the cold and into the wire.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bones, Picked Clean](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692404) by [lulu-writes (luluwrites)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luluwrites/pseuds/lulu-writes). 
  * Inspired by [Skeleton Squatters and the Landlady](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9816140) by [Tyrant_Tortoise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyrant_Tortoise/pseuds/Tyrant_Tortoise). 

> The endnotes contain nicknames

It was a tad nippy out tonight.

That was an understatement. It was currently only four degrees in your shoddy apartment, even with the heater on. You were trying to sleep with both your blankets on, and hadn't been able to actually get some rest for the past day and a half. You couldn't sleep, so you decided to go for a drive. Wait-- didn't you have a winter home specifically and conveniently for times like these?

Oh, that's right. You do. In fact, you decided to go there as soon as you had thought about that. You were just going to stay for a night or two until the storm passed. Once you and your car had made it to the end of the road to the forest, you decided to get out and go into it. You had remembered the way there, but apparently your brain had other things in mind, as before you knew it, you were lost. You wandered around for another couple minutes, trying to find your way back. Then you thought of how funny the situation really was. _It was like in a horror movie, the serial murderer would jump out from behind a conveniently angled tree and stab you in the back_... You decided not to think about that.

It wasn't a serial killer behind the tree, but a tripwire. You had stumbled into some kind of hunting trap, you needed to get out of there before you were impaled by spikes, or shot, or something equally as terrible! But, uh... nothing happened. You stood up to leave but then stumbled into something soft and squishy that you swore wasn't there before. You looked up. Whatever it was, it was gone. That was weird, slightly terrifying, and a questionable experience altogether.

You were starting to freak out. You decided to go back to your vehicle, except you had no idea where it was. Your previous experience hit every horror movie red flag, but you really needed a decent place to sleep for the night. Besides, if this was a horror story or a horror movie, you might as well stay in character. And a decent place to sleep did you find, as soon the large cabin came into view. You knew it was the right house by the shape alone, the defining semicircular protruding room on the side wall was enough to know it.

You always left the key under the welcome mat, and you located it easily. You opened the door, it creaking softly; turned on the lights. The sofa had a lot of cobwebs and what looked like boxes on top of it, and the larger sofa to the right looked perfectly clean but had lots more boxes on it. It didn't look too shabby in here. You turned on the light to see the sofas clearly. You mean, there was a ton of visible cobwebs in the living room, but right now, that wasn't exactly the issue at hand.

The issue was that there were five unmoving corpses on the sofa. Then the issue became that there could be more upstairs. And lastly, it became the fact that the corpses were now moving.

You screamed, quickly backing out of the room. Of course, when people with no sense of balance walk backwards in horror movies, they tend to slip and fall on inconveniently located water puddles, hitting their head on the floor and subsequently having their vision fade to nothingness.

* * *

When you woke, you didn't realise where you were at first, nor what happened earlier. You were lying on an old chair in the cabin in the woods. Okay. You slipped and fell. Okay. There were corpses everywhere in the house, and now they're gone. Not quite as okay but still not as bad as: the corpses that are gone are now standing in front of you, talking about what to do with what you can only assume is what to do with your own corpse. One of them is someone whose name is obviously something to do with the words "Edge" and "Emo." You could tell based on the scowl on his face paired with his red polka dotted pajamas. The second one had a weird smell and had a large gaping hole in his head. You were concerned about the hole in his head. He shouldn't be upright with an injury like that. In another situation, you'd've called the ambulance.

Weird-Smelling Corpse (TM) smelled like smoke, but also had a faint smell of honey? You'd ask but you don't think you want to.

"WELL THEN, ASHTRAY. JUST GET RID OF IT. JUST DUMP IT IN THE CITY WITH THE REST OF THE TRASH." Said the first one. Rude. You only consider yourself to be rubbish. Trash is a bit far. You ought to inform him of that before he kills you.

"'well then,' dire. if you want to get rid of it so much, just do it yourself. don't make me do your dirty work." Snarkily replied the one who smelled weird. Hah. You knew it.

"ALRIGHT THEN. I'LL DO IT. YOU'RE JUST ABSOLUTELY USELESS. I SWEAR TO ASGORE." 

A new voice joined in. A gruff voice, the sound not too far from what someone with a heavy Brooklyn accent would sound like if their throat was made of sandpaper. "well, boss, why not jus' kill 'em, eh? we all already have a few **skeletons in our closets**, so it won't be too far-fetched of us." You really weren't looking forward to where this conversation was going, but you kinda like the pun.

You stand up weakly, and a skeletal hand helps you back down. You realise what's going on and let out a shrill scream, startling almost everyone in the room.

"I'm not ready yet! I don't want to die! Give me some more time!" You scream.

'Dire', the weird-smelling skeleton and a new voice started laughing uncontrollably at that statement.

"gah hah hah! i can't fuckin' believe it! th'kid thinks you's th'grim reaper!" The new voice laughed.

"pfft. i'm not that scary, am i?" the smelly skeleton chuckled. One thing's for sure. He's certainly not the reaper.

"O-oh. You're not?" You ask weakly. Your head whips around and you can see another two skeletons behind you. One's wearing a large black fur coat, has a large golden tooth, and has a gaping hole in his head, -- the one who was laughing, from the sounds of it-- similar to the weird-smelling skeleton, and the other one's the "Dire" character. He's scolding the shorter one for laughing at such a serious matter. From what your dazed, confused and adrenaline filled state you can make out of the lecture between the two, the one in the coat's name is "Maroon." That doesn't sound like a proper name, but nor does Dire. For all you know, "Ashtray" could be the weird-smelling one's real name.

"Alright. What the fuck is going on in here? I just wanted to get out of the cold." You exclaimed, frantically trying to stand up.

"not that good an idea right now. you passed out. don't want that happening again. i'll try to explain everything later." The weird-smelling skeleton set you down every time you tried to get up. It was clear that at the moment, you weren't going anywhere.

"Alright, but wha--"

You were interrupted by the sounds of someone going downstairs. It was an even shorter skeleton with mangled teeth. "W-WOWZERS! PAPPY, DID... DID YOU FIND YOURSELF A HUMAN?" He asks with a slight stammer, --as if he forgot the words he was going to say-- while grinning from ear to ear. Or whatever skeletons used to hear words. You don't know. You add that to your list of questions. His pajamas have rocketships on them. Is he a kid? That, too, is a question.

You would be laughing if they weren't previously discussing how to kill you. This would sound ridiculous if anybody else had told you that, but now that it's a thing that happened to you? You needed to get out of here.

* * *

"nah, bro. the human found us. we were just playing a game." The weird-smelling skeleton chuckled. Wait. What game?

The child skeleton marched confidently towards you. "HUMAN. H-HAVE MY FRIENDS AND... WHAT'S THE WORD? OH. HAVE MY F-FRIENDS AND BROTHER INTRODUCED THEMSELVES PROPERLY TO YOU YET? IF NOT, I'LL BE SURE TO GIVE YOU A T-TOUR OF OUR PROPERTY AND MAKE YOU A MEAL!"

Actually, food didn't sound that bad right about now. Of course, you weren't sure if you were the guest or the appetiser, and considering the breath of the child smelled entirely of rotting meat, you could guess yourself to be the latter. And after he just referred to your property as "ours" (as in his and his family's) you had a bad taste in your mouth, in more than one way.

"What do you mean "our property"? This is my house!"

"WHY YES! THIS IS IN FACT, MY HOUSE! TECHNICALLY IT'S SKIN'S HOUSE AND EVEN THEN... BUT YOU KNOW..." The child replied, clearly not understanding what was implied by your previous statement. The other skeletons looked slightly perturbed at this revelation that they were --in fact-- illegally living in someone else's house.

"...BUT STILL! I D-DO HIGHLY COMMEND YOU ON MAKING IT PAST OUR TRAPS UNMANGLED, KILLED, OR OTHERWISE HARMED! WE SHOULD REALLY MAKE THE TRAPS MORE HUMAN-FRIENDLY IF WE KNEW WE'D HAVE G-GUESTS!" He exclaimed.

"uh... bro. maybe we should talk." The weird smelling skeleton chuckled nervously. You agreed. Maybe, just possibly, they should talk on the fact that they were illegally living in your house and setting up dangerous traps designed to kill or maim.

"NOT N-NOW, SCREECH. I MUST COOK! TO THE KITCHEN!!" He starts to move ahead, but you tap him on the shoulder and show him the key you used to unlock the door.

"GOOD CRAFTMANSHIP, YOU NEARLY CONVINCED ME! OUR KEY LOOKS JUST LIKE THAT! HOW DID YOU DO IT? CAN YOU T-TEACH ME?!" He's currently bouncing up and down in excitement.

"uhm, bro. i don't know here, but i think they have a similar looking key because it... it is their house and they used their key."

"THAT OBVIOUSLY CANNOT BE CORRECT!" He retorts, sounding extremely unsure.

"well, uh... this place isn't abandoned after all."

"THAT JUST MEANS I SHOULD MAKE THEM THE BEST MEAL WE'VE EVER HAD!"

You were really not starting to like the way this conversation was going.

"don't worry, kid. you're not the main course." Mumbled Screech. He knew you were worried, and he at least tried to make you feel more at ease.

Suddenly a low mumble came out from behind. "someone say something about food?" It said.

"SKIN! YOU LIED TO US. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES YOU? A TRAITOR." Yelled the "Dire" fellow, glaring down this "Skin" character. You turn to look at Skin. He looks similar to Maroon, and has a large hole in his head like both Maroon and Screech.

"what the hell are you talking about, dire?! what did i lie to you about?" Skin yelled in retort.

"ABOUT LIVING HERE, OBVIOUSLY!!" Dire replied.

"well, how was i supposed to know what you were talking about!? if you didn't want to live here, you didn't have to come! i **specifically** remember telling you and the others that if they didn't want to come here, they didn't have to. 'sides, we didn't know who the owners were, remember? 's not like we could buy the place or anything." Skin replied, shooting a similar look Dire's way.

"EXCEPT YOU DIDN'T! IF YOU HAD TOLD US WE WERE BREAKING THE LAW, I WOULDN'T BE HERE!" Both Bleak and Dire exclaimed simultaneously.

"what the hell do you mean that i didn't? i told you!" Skin yelled.

This all sounds like a big misunderstanding to you. You try to calm down everybody. You now know they were just skeletons. Not reapers, zombies, or corpses. You've had plenty of experience with monsters at your work, so you feel terrible for considering Screech to be the Grim Reaper. "How long have you guys been living here?"

"not long. about six months. hard to keep track." Screech replied.

"look. we'd be willing to pay you. just please don't make us leave. we can't leave. we can't go back outside. we can't leave. we can't." Skin nervously stammers, looking like he's about to break into tears. Another few questions to your list of "Not Now or Probably Ever Questions (TM)"

"Eh, sure. I'll let you rent the place." You replied, relatively happy that they were no longer discussing ways to kill and/or eat you. "This is my winter place, for when the apartment gets too cold to live in. I don't use it much beyond that. If you'd like to make it your place permanently, that'd be fine."

"so, what brings you here to these parts of the woods?" Screech asked, likely unaware that you just answered his question before he asked it.

"I just wanted to get some time out of the cold. I didn't expect other people to live here." You responded.

"IF YOU LEAVE SOMETHING ABANDONED FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR, WHY WOULD YOU EXPECT IT TO BE EMPTY? THAT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT HOW IT WORKS! WE WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY OURS!" Dire yelled in your direction. Is that all he ever does? Maroon's arms waved frantically, in an attempt to stop whatever was about to happen.

"whoa there, boss. they ain't takin' nothin'. they's sellin' us it."

Suddenly, you hear loud footsteps walking down the stairs. Everybody looked up.

"oh fuck. it's him. i'd say to hide, but..." Maroon mumbled.

* * *

The culprit of the footsteps was an insanely tall skeleton. So tall that you were surprised he fit in the hallway, even though the skeleton had to hunch his back to fit. He had even worse teeth than Bleak, most of them broken in places and longer than you would have thought normal. He was wearing spaghetti pajamas, but had basketballs with sunglasses taped to them. Even you couldn't hold back your laughter at that one.

"OH-HO! THIS IS A MIGHTY SURPRISE!! NYEH HEH HEH! WELCOME, HUMAN, TO OUR HUMBLE ABODE! YOU LOOK QUITE CONFUSED. OUR FAMILY IS QUITE A BIT TO TAKE IN; I, THE GREAT PAPY-- I MEAN, BONES WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE OUR FAMILY!" Why do all of the skeletons seem to mistake their names? Another list on the questions.

"I AM BONES, OF COURSE! THIS IS MY BROTHER, THE NOT-QUITE-AS-GREAT-BUT-STILL-REALLY-GREAT SKIN!" He replied, cringing as he straightened his back when he got to your living room.

"THAT'S SCREECH AND BLEAK! THE ONE WHO SMELLS FAINTLY OF CIGARETTES AND HONEY IS SCREECH, AND THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE SKIN BUT SHORTER AND MORE ENERGETIC IS BLEAK! BLEAK MAY BE SHORT AND IMMATURE, BUT HE'S CERTAINLY AN ADULT! MAKE NO MISTAKE." Bones continued, pointing at each of the skeletons as he continued. Great. You messed up again. You considered Bleak to be a child.

"THAT'S MAROON AND DIRE. DIRE MAY LOOK SCARY BUT HE'S A GREAT FRIEND! MAROON'S A BIT MORE... UNSTABLE THAN SKIN, DESPITE THEM LOOKING SIMILAR!" He continued. What was "Maroon's a bit more unstable" supposed to mean? You don't want to find out. You're staring at Maroon, and he starts to sweat and look away anxiously. You mentally apologise.

"AND UPSTAIRS, SLEEPING LIKE THE COLLECTIVE LAZYBONES THEY ARE, WE HAVE HOUND, SCREAM, DREAD, AND DISARRAY! I RECOMMEND NOT TALKING TO HOUND OR SCREAM WHEN THEY WAKE UP. JUST ACT CASUAL AND YOU SHOULD BE ALRIGHT!" He finishes off his rambling. "SO, ANY QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE..."

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Nice to meet you all formally, I guess. Better than discussing ways to--"

"..okay, and moving on. what's your name, kid?" Maroon interrupts, likely trying to dodge the conversation.

"Oh! Sorry, I'm (Y/N)!" You give your name. You're exhausted and all of this is a lot to take in, and your eyes are already getting heavy. You check your phone instinctively, having forgotten that it was there. You're surprised you have service this far out, but your battery is almost dead. That means that you'll either have to stay the night and risk getting killed in your sleep, or go to try and find your car and risk getting lost in the snow and losing your head to a trap outside. You decide to do the former.

* * *

While you're distracted thinking about whether you'll die inside or die outside, some of the skeletons are having an argument.

"NO. NEVER. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT!" Dire yells and stomps your direction.

"You got a problem?" You ask, trying your best to stay awake.

"YES! YOU! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS VERY INSTANT! I WILL NOT STAND FOR A WORTHLESS HUMAN TO BE PRESENT UNDER THE SAME ROOF!" Dire screams literally two feet from your face. Well, at least you didn't have to try to stay awake. You could make out every hairline crack in Dire's face, and you could see an emotion in his face. One that terrified you despite his polka-dotted pajamas.

Pure, unadulterated rage, hatred, and anger.

* * *

"DIRE! CALM D-DOWN! I-IT'S THE HUMAN'S HOUSE, SO THE LEAST WE C-COULD DO IS BE POLITE!" Bleak exclaimed, looking somewhat nervous.

Dire growled. "NEVER. I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT."

You decided to tell Dire off. "Dire, we need to get this right. This is my house. It will be yours in just a few months, but right now it is my property. I am going to sleep, and I am going to sell it to your family, but I am NOT going to listen to you berate me in my own house."

Dire sputters. He's shocked that you could even do it. In most other situations you would have felt bad for him, but you needed to just get that off your chest. He steps back and Maroon steps forwards, fists clenched. He has to be held back by Bones, but you can see the anger in his face.

"what'd ya say ta my goddamn boss, ya little shit? ya wanta fuckin' fight me? ya mess wit' one'a us an' ya mess wit' all a us, ya hear me?"

"You hear me just fine. I'm not going to just sit here and let someone insult me in my own home. I am going to sleep. It's late and I have work in the morning."

Dire looks absolutely pissed. Maroon glares at you for a few minutes until he eventually calms down. He appears to have partially forgotten the event that took place.

Skin breaks the tenseness. "yeah, of course you can stay a bit. this is your house after all." Was he just trying to break the ice? You feel terrible.

"Okay, thank you so much. I'm so sorry for intruding here." You mumble a few other apologies.

"WELL! I'M GLAD (MOST OF YOU) MADE UP FROM THAT... INCIDENT! WE DON'T HAVE A GUEST ROOM, BUT YOU CAN SLEEP IN MY ROOM!" Bleak laughs, "WE CAN HAVE A SLEEP... SLEEPOVER!" Bleak is literally jumping up and down in excitement. You aren't sure how morally questionable sleeping next to someone the same height and energy level of a child is like, but you've made a lot of other questionable decisions today.

You decide to. "Sure, why not!"

"cool idea, bro. count me in." Screech smiles as Bleak leads you to his room up the stairs. 

Your winter home is extremely spacious for a cabin, with a second floor that served as a hallway to the stairs. Bleak led you and Screech up the stairs and into the hallway. There were several rooms in it. You could guess who some of the rooms belonged to. One of them had a door covered in a dark purple paint. There was a sign on the door. "NO ENTERING." The room parallel to it had a crimson paint colour. "IF YOU ENTER, THE REST OF US WILL BE HAVING BONE STEW FOR SUPPER."

The next set had a non-painted door, a sign saying "stop stealin' my goddamn cigarettes, hound." The room adjacent to it had a door that looked exactly the same. "who's counting, scream?"

The next two rooms you could tell to be Dire and Maroon's, just on the words alone. Dire had a set of complicated patterns on his door, and the word "Dire" written out in a grey paint. Maroon had no paint, no patterns, "maroon's room." 

The next set of doors you could guess belonged to Skin and Bones. Wait. Was that a pun? "THE GREAT BONES' ROOM! NO GIRLS ALLOWED, NO BOYS ALLOWED, SPAGHETTI ALLOWED!" obviously belonged to Bones. The room on the other side had no sign and no paint, looking even more plain than Hound and Scream's. You couldn't guess who it belonged to at first, but after noting the previous pairings of the room, you could guess. The main feature of the exterior-- a large semicircular room on the far east wall-- served as Bleak's room.

* * *

The door was covered in glow in the dark stars, spaceships, aliens, and planets, with a large sign on it that read: "THE MAGNIFICENT <strike>SA</strike> BLEAK'S ROOM. NO BROTHER ALLOWED!" You at least knew who it belonged to. You also were confused why Screech didn't listen to the sign, but then you remembered that it's a sign and doesn't have say who enters and leaves the room.

The room itself looks extremely tidy. It has lots of glow in the dark stars and planets along the walls, and a dim nightlight in the opposing corner of the room. Next to it, there's two sleeping bags. The centerpiece of the room is a small blue and red patterned bed shaped like a rocket ship. Bleak re-reads the sign, and his eyesockets go wide.

"OH! I'M SO SORRY, SCREECH! I HAD NO IDEA! THIS ROOM IS A NO BROTHERS ALLOWED ZONE!!" Bleak says worriedly. He seems to have not known that he had even written that.

"don't worry, i'll cross it out later." Screech mumbled, laying down on the floor.

"OH, ALRIGHT. THAT MAKES MORE SENSE! AMAZING!! THIS'LL BE A TRIPLE SLEEPOVER! HUMAN, I SUGGEST YOU TAKE T-THE BED!! I INSIST!" Bleak seemed to go right back to his upbeat self as soon as that was mentioned.

"You sure you or your brother don't want it?" You ask. You don't want any of them to give up a bed for you.

"nah, kid. it's fine." Screech replied. Bleak nodded in response.

"Thanks, you two! You're both really sweet, you know?" You reply.

"REALLY? I-I'M SWEET?" Bleak exclaims, and nearly tries to take a bite of his phalanges before Screech pulls Bleak's hand out of the way.

"no, bro. they meant that you were a kind person. not that you tasted sweet." Screech replied, looking slightly panicked at what his brother tried to do.

You realised that Bleak took that literally, and decided to take note of that so he doesn't lose a digit when someone compliments him. You make the bed and lie in it, and before long, the three of you are asleep. You hear some faint noises and talking downstairs as your mind fades into nothing.


	2. Reanimated Reintroductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and the other skeletons eat some breakfast and you try to do a puzzle.
> 
> Emphasis on "try"

You woke up with a start. You looked around and were immediately confused that you were in a child's bedroom. Where the hell were you? Why were there two empty sleeping bags? Both of those questions were answered as your memories came back from the night prior.

It was surprising that both of the skeletons that were in Bleak's room had woken up before you, especially the taller one. The voices from a large number of people carried up the stairs and into your room, but were highly muffled.

You checked the time on your phone. It was four in the morning and you needed sleep. Why were they up so early?! You rolled over and right out of bed, the resounding thud loud enough to probably wake whoever wasn't already up, so you decided to go downstairs. Bones, Skin, and Bleak were talking about puzzles, Maroon was trying to talk to Dire, who still looked pissed but clearly didn't notice you. The thing that interested you the most where the new four skeletons.

* * *

There were two short skeletons, both slightly taller than Bleak. Both looked less like children than Bleak, however. One had nasty looking scars on both eye sockets and all over his skull, sharp teeth nearly as mangled as Bleak's, and oH GOD IS HE MISSING PART OF HIS JAWBONE?! He also was wearing a pair of tall, red boots that nearly went up to his knees and what looked to be a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved red shirt.

The other new short skeleton had a heavy scar on his left eye socket and dings and dents all over his skull and arms, and his sharp teeth didn't look nearly as bad as the one prior. Fortunately, his jawbone was fully intact. His clothing could only be described as purple. Very, very purple. His trousers were black with indigo stripes running down, and his purple shirt matched perfectly with his short, violet boots.

The two new tall skeletons were massive, to say the least. They were shorter than Bones, but taller than Dire. One had a simple black and yellow coat and brown trousers, his scarred hands which were always moving in a timid fashion were indicative of his personality. When you first saw his mouth, you thought that two of his teeth were made of wood, but no; on closer inspection it was gold. He was currently sitting next to Screech and the purple guy, who were talking about something you couldn't quite catch.

The second new skeleton had a black fur coat with white fluff on top, and a pair of skinny jeans that accentuated his legs more than anything. His three golden teeth were shinier than the previous, whenever he turned his head and they caught the light, the glint of his teeth was undeniably astounding. The scars, dents, and cuts all over his skull, arms, and hands made you wonder if he had gotten them from fighting or from something else. He was also wearing what you assumed to be a dog collar? What? Maybe this is the 'Hound' guy Bones was talking about last night. He was standing with the "missing jawbone" guy who was berating him about something. You would've gotten involved but he seemed to just shrug off everything said.

The defining feature of the two new tall skeletons were the massive holes in their skulls.

* * *

Bones was the first to notice you. "HUMAN! DID YOU SLEEP WELL? BLEAK, DIRE AND I MADE BREAKFAST FOR YOU! WELL, IT WAS FOR THE OTHERS SINCE I KINDA FORGOT YOU EXISTED! BUT!! I CERTAINLY MADE ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY!!" All the skeletons jumped at the sound of yelling.

"wait, you foun--" The guy you guessed to be 'Hound' started.

"YOU FOUND A HUMAN?! AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!?" Both the new short skeletons interrupted, within a few seconds, the purple one had reached you and the one with the missing jawbone was a close second. Great, both of them had the "rotting meat" smell.

"DREAD, DISARRAY, NO! CALM DOWN!! DO NOT HURT OUR NEW FRIEND!" Bones was quick to pull the purple skeleton called 'Dread' back with such certainty and quickness that you wondered how many times this had to have happened before. Dread quickly did --surprisingly-- calm down. 'Disarray' didn't and until Hound pried him off of you, you thought you were going to have a skeleton clamped to your arm forever.

"HOUND! AS YOUR SUPERIOR, I COMMAND YOU TO LET ME GO THIS INSTANT!"

"s-sorry, m'lord, but if you were to hurt the h-human you'd probably be kicked out again. we don't want to have to go back to the others again." Hound stammered. He noticed he was drooling and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "sorry about m'lord, h-he gets hyper when he meats-- i mean m-meets new people. especially humans."

"guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks, huh, hound?" Skin walked up to you. "sorry about this rude awakening, kid. you sleep well? you want some, uh... spaghetti, kid?" Skin looked nervous, and pulled Bones to the side, and the two started whispering about something you couldn't make out. Surprising, because Bones never spoke quieter than a yell. Soon, the two rejoined the group. Skin still looked a bit rattled, but Bones looked pleased.

"YES, WE-- MEANING ME, BLEAK, AND DIRE MADE SPAGHETTI! IT WAS HARD TO DECIDE BECAUSE WE EACH LIKE DIFFERENT THINGS SO WE JUST HAD SKIN PICK A NUMBER FROM ONE TO THREE! TACOS, SPAGHETTI, AND LASAGNE RESPECTIVELY!" Bones rambled. He seemed startled over the events of today.

Honestly, spaghetti for breakfast sounded weird, but also pretty good. Bleak and Dire came out of the kitchen-- though you were unsure when they even entered it-- and started serving the food.

"I MADE THE MEATBALLS, SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM, IT'S YOUR BAD TASTE, HUMAN." Dire sneered. That asshole. Though, the fact he helped make something that was indirectly for you was surprising. Maroon put a thumbs up.

"I'm sure they're great, Dire." You nodded and smiled. You and Dire may not like each other very well, but if he made something for you, you sure as hell weren't going to insult it. You've not even tasted it yet, anyways.

"I HELPED MAKE THE... THE N-NOODLES!!" Bleak walked over, he looked proud of himself.

"you did good, bro." Screech chuckled.

The group sat down to eat, them all thanking Bleak, Bones, and Dire for a meal. The portions were interesting, as if they had been going for the most nutritious servings possible. More meatballs than broccoli, more broccoli than spaghetti. One piece of garlic bread. You don't point this out, however. You take your first bite.

Oh god. It's good. It's so good. You can see why all the others are eating theirs as fast as they can. This is the best food you've eaten in your life.

"REALLY? YOU THINK SO?!" Bleak, Dire, and Bones exclaim almost simultaneously.

Wait. Did you say that aloud?

* * *

"yep." Skin replies.

"Oh fuck, this is embarrassing." You put your face in your hands and sighed.

"NOT... NOT REALLY! WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES LIKE THAT FROM TIME T-T-TO TIME! AT LEAST YOU LIKE I-IT!!" Bleak seemed pleased with himself, grinning from ear to ear.

"NYAH HAH HAH. EVEN YOU HAVE SOME STANDARDS, HUMAN!" Dire's scowl vanished into one of delight. When he noticed you looking at him, he put it back. You've never heard him laugh until now.

You all stayed silent after that. You weren't sure what you were expecting, but a bunch of thoughts had ran through your head. What if your food was drugged or spiked or something that made you say those things? What if you were just tired because you literally slept less than two hours in the past four days? You decided to go with the latter, it had been minutes and you still felt fine. You finished up, and instinctively started washing and putting away all the dishes, before you felt a skeletal hand on your shoulder. You turned, startled. It was the skeleton with the figety fingers. You still didn't know his name and he's hardly spoke or been spoken to, so it was interesting when you finally heard his voice. It was crackly, uneven, like he was trying to figure out how to speak.

"i got it. you can sit." He mumbled. You barely heard him, and apparently he took the dishes and started scrubbing them. "i always do them. my job."

"Oh. Thanks, I guess..." You chuckled nervously. You weren't expecting this, and if it was his job and he's fine doing it than you won't intrude. You're just used to always doing the dishes at your place.

"'sides, the rest are testing their traps and puzzles. you should go too."

You nod, and leave the house. It doesn't take you long to find the more energetic of the-- cousins? Brothers? You decide to go with "group"-- outside. They all notice you.

"HUMAN! WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY OUT ONE OF MY PUZZLES! DON'T WORRY, T-THEY'RE ALL HUMAN-F-FRIENDLY THIS TIME!" Bleak exclaims happily, he looks genuinely pleased to see you, unlike Dire.

"NYAH HAH HAH! WHAT WOULD A HUMAN KNOW ABOUT PUZZLES? CERTAINLY NOT WHAT WE DO. AND WHAT'S THE POINT OF MAKING IT ALL 'HUMAN FRIENDLY,' 'SAFE,' AND 'LEGAL?' " Dire smirks upon seeing you. Disarray and Dread nodded their heads in agreement.

"WELL, A MONSTER TRADITION IS TO HAVE HUMANS SUFFER THROUGH FUN PUZZLES AND TRAPS!" Bones tried to change the subject matter and succeeded.

"Well, alright. I'll try them out. They sound pretty fun." You ignored Dire's scoffing. Bleak, Bones, Disarray, and Dread looked overjoyed, and Dire was being himself. Now it was a matter of figuring out whose puzzles were first.

"SKIN, SKIN! ANY CHANCE YOU COULD HELP? WE ARE IN NEED OF YOUR ASSISTANCE!" Bones yelled, even louder than he normally spoke. It would've shattered your eardrums if you were any closer to him. The ringing in your ears was dizzying and disorienting.

You saw Skin approach, and after a brief bit of talking between the few skeletons, you saw Disarray grin manically, his scarf somehow flowing in the wind despite there not being any. You couldn't make out any of the words from the previous words from Bones, but you were scared. You had no idea what Disarray had in store for you. Since last night, Bleak had said that he would have made the traps safer, Bones seemed like... Bones, and Dire made it clear that he was much more dangerous than the previous two, and Dread seemed much more like Bleak than his appearance would seem, you knew what to expect from the four skeletons; Disarray was different. You barely knew anything about him, and the way he grinned when he won was frankly terrifying.

* * *

Unfortunately, as you were led further into the forest, you saw Disarray's puzzle. It looked like some sort of Rube Goldberg machine, but certain parts of the puzzle were covered in a reddish substance that you were certain was not marinara sauce. There were several buttons and lights, that Disarray had given you a simple, yet cryptic hint on what to do in the form of an engraving in the stone wall in which the buttons, lights and a lever were placed on.

"RELAX. THIS ONE PROBABLY WON'T EVEN MAIM YOU!" Disarray shouted. Not helpful. Fortunately, your ears were alive again. But now you had to solve the puzzle. You read the message.

'ALL BUT THE MIDDLE IS TO BE PLAYED LIKE A FIDDLE, STICK TO THE TUNE, TO NOT WOULD BE RUDE. ONLY PRESS THE LEVER WHEN YOU'RE DONE, OR YOU'LL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE SUN.' Cryptic much? You're starting to really dislike him, but at least he could rhyme decently.

Oh great. Both a timing puzzle, where pressing the middle button is to be avoided, and you can only press the lever once you've solved it? For fuck's sake. It's only six in the morning. At least you understood the hint.

"Is there any chance I can have a--"

"NOPE." Disarray knew what you were going to say. Dammit.

You pressed the button labeled as 'START' and a simple tune began. It was relaxing, almost like a music box tune. But you couldn't listen to it. Now, you had to think. The buttons were labeled 'HIGH' and 'LOW', and the middle button was labeled 'RETRY.'

You pressed the buttons perfectly, you were sure of it. You had redone it four times, just to be sure. You were entirely certain that when you pushed the lever, you would be perfectly fine. You would solve the puzzle, you'd only have to do one more dangerous puzzle and the rest would be easy-- or at least not nearly as difficult-- and you could go back to the cabin, enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate, and sit in front of the warm fire in the cabins with the skeletons. You thought you had done it.

But when the loud snap interrupts your thoughts, and a wave of pain hits you, you were shocked.

Your legs gave out from under you, and right before your vision faded again, you noticed that your foot and lower leg had been broken in several places by a mechanism that was quickly retracting. You see five figures rushing towards you, yelling words you can't understand.

You fall into another dreamless slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two. Yay.  
This is a much more dialogue-heavy chapter than the previous, and it might show.
> 
> Honestly I'm proud of the "All but the middle is to be played like a fiddle. Stick to the tune, to not would be rude. Only press the lever when you're done, or never again will you see the sun," hint. It took me like five minutes to write oKAY I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.
> 
> But nah. Disarray never plays fair. At least Dire has the courtesy to not cheat, but you know.


	3. Concerned Cadavers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After breaking your legs in one of Disarray's traps, you try to recover while the skeletons try to help you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely a shorter chapter than usual, but this has a little bit of character development and flows pretty nicely into my plotlines for next chapter.

You woke up in a strange room, covered in dusty and faded posters of puzzles, cars, and the occasional pasta dish. Probably Bones' room if your past experiences were anything to go off of. You tried to stand up, but felt a rush of pain in your legs when they moved. Oh yeah. You had broken them. You heard a sharp knock on the door to the room.

"you up?" A low, gruff voice on the other end asked, although it was muffled from the fact that it was through a door. You let out an affirming grunt that you weren't exactly sure you could make, and the door opened.

Hound entered it, looking tired as usual. He was carrying a bag that smelled pretty good, but you were unsure what was in it. It had a strange logo on it that reminded you of Grillby's bar.

"just fast food. grillby's." Hound confirmed your suspicion. You were a frequent patron of the fire monster's bar. Several humans in the town were, although most of the patrons were monsters. Not that you had a problem with that. "first time we'd been out of the woods in longer than i can remember. bones also got you something, but he's out hunting. you know how long you've been out?"

You shook your head. From the looks of things, it was still dark outside. "Maybe a few hours?"

"five days. most of us forgot you were there." Hound answered. No wonder you were so hungry. "got you a burger."

You were surprised at that. Grillby's burgers were absolutely massive, and relatively expensive, to boot. You fumbled over your words, trying and failing to thank Hound. Hound understood what you were saying-- despite you not being able to, yourself-- nodded, put down the bag of food and left. You unwrapped it, and you started eating.

* * *

Soon after you finished, another knock on the door. Whoever was behind it may have been trying to break down the door. "HUMAN! ARE YOU AWAKE AND FINISHED WITH YOUR FOOD?"

You didn't even get a chance to respond before the door swung open. You were impressed Bones could even fit in the doorway, but he did with little effort on his end. He was carrying what you could only assume to be haphazardly wrapped makeshift crutches. It wasn't wrapped all the way.

"HUMAN! I AM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR INJURIES! TRUTHFULLY, I HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN YOU HAD EVEN BEEN INJURED IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU!" Bones said. It seemed that he had memory issues too. He handed the gift to you-- although his definition of handing it was to practically throw it at you-- and you smiled, unwrapping it. You appreciated the sentiment, especially considering that he went through all the trouble of wrapping the crutches.

"NOW YOU CAN WALK AROUND THE HOUSE WITH EASE WHILE YOU RECOVER! NYEH HEH HEH! THE GREAT BONES THINKS OF EVERY POSSIBLE OUTCOME!" He lumbered downstairs. Skin seemed to have been just finished with something down the hall, and as soon as Bones left he entered.

"howzit going?" Skin mumbled.

"Good, you?" You asked. Skin gave a thumbs up and proceeded to help you with your crutches.

"honestly, if you'd been asleep one more day, i'd call him and see what we should do." Skin mumbled to himself. You didn't know who the 'him' was, but didn't intrude on his thoughts. "either way, do you want me to call you into work sick? i mean, if you have a job, that is."

Oh shit. You completely forgot about your work. You had the weekend off so the first two days at the cabin was fine, but you had missed work five days in a row. You started to panic, you reached over for your phone.

Skin realised what was going on. "uh, i'm just going to go. shout if you want something..." He slowly slunk away, leaving you to your business' business.

* * *

You had seven texts, probably from concerned coworkers or friends, and two voicemails. The first one was just a scam call, but the second one is what scared you the most.

"Hello, this is your boss speaking. Just letting you know that you should probably not head into work today. We've hired a replacement." Your boss' voice muttered dryly. You hated her so much, but you understood her reasoning. You tuned out, internally panicking about what you were going to do. "We've decided to let you go. Thank you for all you've done here at this corporation. If you could come in whenever possible to discuss the reasoning behind this decision and collect your final paycheck, that'd be great."

You let out a shaky sigh, exhausted. You instinctively clicked a button on your phone.

"Voicemail deleted."

You didn't even notice that Screech had entered the room until he sat down on the racecar bed with you, and put his hand on your shoulder.

"kid, you okay? look kinda distracted." His soft voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You had a feeling he knew what happened, but was just trying to be polite.

"I just got fired." Screech looked confused at that, so you explained further. "Laid off. Told not to come into work again. Replaced." You inhaled sharply. You would not cry. Not in front of someone you hardly know.

Screech seemed to understand. "sorry."

You hadn't heard that word from someone else in years. You let out a choked sob. Screech looked awkwardly at you, scratching at the hole in his skull probably trying to figure out why you were crying. He seemed to remember what happened, and moved closer to you with a sympathetic look on his face.

* * *

You may be crying; but this time, you weren't alone.

"want to go to grillby's? drinks're on me." Screech didn't seem to notice the empty bag from the fire monster's establishment on the bedside table, and neither did you. You just really wanted a drink.

"Sure. That'd be... nice." You mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Horror-type skeletons aren't allowed to leave the woods. You'll find out why next chapter.
> 
> I'm having a bit of trouble with title names. Alliteration is awkward.
> 
> Nicknames of characters mentioned in this fic (updated as more characters are mentioned):  
HT: Skin, Bones  
HS: Bleak, Screech  
HF: Maroon, Dire  
HSF: Dread, Scream  
HFS: Disarray, Hound


	4. Interesting Inquiries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A direct continuation of the last chapter, you and a few skeletons go over to Grillby's. Bones and Screech have a few slip-ups with their words, and before you know it you're sitting at a table over

"Sure. That'd be... nice." You had mumbled.

Screech chuckled. "need help with the stairs?"

You completely forgot that this cabin had stairs. Goddamn it. "...Yes please."

Screech looked confused upon that answer. It occurred to you that he likely had no idea how crutches worked. Understandably, anyhow. He scratched at the hole in his skull, and then-- seemingly as if remembering something, smiled. "no prob, kid."

The stairs were quite difficult with two broken legs, and you realised that you should probably be in a wheelchair-- if not the hospital. Screech let out a low mumble that you couldn't quite make out before you were surrounded in a dim, flickering orange glow. You noticed yourself being carried down the stairs without Screech carrying you. You let out a small, unflattering squeak that seemed to alert the presence of Bones if the thunderous slow footsteps were anything to go off of.

"HUMAN? IS THAT YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?" Bones yelled. Screech jumped, his focus lost, and you fell down the last couple steps. "HUMAN!? YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING YOUR FLYING LESSONS! YOU ARE NOT A BIRD! WAIT A SECOND... SCREECH! YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE USING YOUR MAGIC!!" Bones was a mixed bag, that's for sure.

"can you help the human without?"

"OBVIOUSLY!" Bones replied, stamping his foot before effortlessly lifting you up over his head. You were still in pain from the fall. "NOW, WHERE TO?"

"grillby's, if you can do that." Screech mumbled.

Bones smiled, pushing a crooked tooth back into place. "I CAN! FORTUNATELY, GRILLBY'S ISN'T TOO FAR! SCREECH, DO YOU WANT TO DRIVE?"

Screech looked a tad bit embarrassed at that, a faint blush on his face. His smile looks forced at this point. "well, uh... i sorta can't."

"You can't drive?" You asked, Bones looked as if he was going to ask that.

"...yeah."

"FORTUNATELY, THE GREAT AND ONLY SKELETON THAT DOES ANYTHING AROUND HERE BONES THINKS OF AN ANSWER TO EVERY SITUATION!" Bones replied, arm to his chest to appear valiant. His tattered scarf flowing despite there not being any wind.

Screech just gave Bones a thumbs-up.

You were really not expecting it to be that cold outside. It was still winter, but the chilliness of the cabin was nothing compared to the bitter cold of outside. You should have brought a coat, but it was too late now.

"ALRIGHT, Y/N! CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE YOUR CAR IS SO I CAN FIND IT?" Bones asked, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"Yeah, uh... Yeah." You stumbled over your words. Where was your car parked again? "Just behind that clearing over there, I think."

Screech and Bones looked at each other, exchanging glances at something in the distance you couldn't see. You could only make out a few words from the mumbled conversation that followed: original, forbidden, and leave. That wasn't much to go off of. Finally, someone spoke.

"UH, YEAH! WE CAN TOTALLY GO OVER THERE AND ARE NOT NOT ALLOWED TO GO BEYOND THE WOODS!" Bones said. Smooth.

"good job." Screech muttered, shaking his head.

"Wait, what do you mean that you are 'not allowed to go beyond the woods'? Who's not allowing you all to?" You asked, trying to get some useful information. The skeletons looked a tad surprised, nervous, and just a tad bit shocked.

"we'll, uh, tell you later." Screech mumbled. You didn't want to press further, but you could tell there was some big secret behind them not being able to leave the woods.

Eventually, you all found the car. Bones helped you in, and you thanked him. Screech sat next to you, but Bones was too tall to properly fit in the front seat, he was even more hunched than usual and had to use the passenger seat to actually fit. If a police officer pulled him over they'd surely have a bone to pick with him over it.

Especially if they saw the way he was driving. He put the pedal to the floor, and it was almost enough for you to lose whatever meal you just ate. Screech was definitely feeling the same way if the way he was holding onto the seat for dear life was anything to go by.

Fortunately, there weren't many cars out at this hour. Most people had headed home already, but the glow of Grillby's dimly-lit sign as the car pulled up was undeniably beautiful. It felt, looked like, and probably at one time was a 50's diner, the faded red paint and chipped sign of the building fitting into the small town perfectly.

Bones helped you out of the car again, and Screech followed shortly behind you. Screech seemed to have remembered something, and put on a beanie and handed Bones a face mask. You were unsure why, but Bones knew, frowning and putting it on. When Screech opened the door, you saw some familiar faces. A few familiar faces saw you. A group of dog monsters were playing a card game of sorts, a reddish bird monster was at the counter, a few humans were talking to a few monsters as they would with friends; but what caught your eye was the short, blue-coated skeleton monster sat at the counter, but vanished in the blink of an eye.

You decided to ask. “Who was that?”

Screech looked startled. “who?”

“IT WAS PROBABLY JUST SKIN. YOU KNOW HOW HE LIKES HIS SHORTCUTS.” Bones looked as if he was trying to convince himself.

You, Screech, and Bones moved up to the counter. You already knew what you were going to order, but the two skeleton monsters looked up at the menu. The fire monster at the other end of the counter perked up, you waved.

“...Hello, Papyrus.” Grillby crackled, though you were unsure where he got the name. “And is this a new skeleton? I thought there was only a few of you all.”

“YES, UH. HE’S A FRIEND FROM THE CAPITAL.” Bones lied through his teeth. 

Screech nodded. “yep. name’s, uh... verdana. verdana, that’s my name.”

You smiled weakly. “Verdana’s a tad shy, sorry.”

Grillby nodded, though he seemed to pick up on Screech’s unease. “...Nice to meet you, Verdana. What would you all like to order?”

“I’LL TAKE A MILKSHAKE; VANILLA, PLEASE! AND MAYBE A FRY, MR. GRILLBY!” Bones was back to his normal enthusiasm.

“maybe a plain burger and a, uh... what’s it called?” Screech squinted at the menu, lone eyelight dilating in an attempt to read the writing. “spiced dark beer?”

You nodded, “i’ll take the strongest thing you’ve got.”

Grillby nodded, a price popped up on the till. You certainly had enough to pay. “...Or, if you use the G system, 20g.”

Screech moved before you could, taking a handful of gold coins out of his upper jacket pocket. He counted the coins and set them on the counter. When you double-checked, it found that he was paying at least twice as much. Grillby noticed it too.

“...Excuse me, sir. That’s too much money.” Grillby started handing back coins.

“didn’t the value decrease with inflation?” Screech asked. “this isn’t too much.”

Grillby shook his head. “...Not sure what part of the Capital you’re from, but there wasn’t much inflation underground. Certainly not enough to require 50g. I insist.”

Screech seemed to understand. “ah, sorry. brain’s getting all muddled up again.” 

Grilbly continued handing back coins to Screech. “...I understand, Verdana. No need to apologise. I’ll get your order started, if you’d all like to sit down.

You all complied. Bones barely fit in the chairs for the table you all decided to sit in, and after Screech helped you down, you all started talking, although in much quieter tones than usual.

“Seriously? Verdana? What kind of name is that?” You whispered. Screech mocked offense.

“ ‘s a proper name for a skeleton, and i was under pressure.” Screech chuckled.

Bones nodded. “ALL SKELETONS ARE NAMED AFTER FONTS. OR MAYBE ALL FONTS ARE NAMED AFTER SKELETONS! IT’S COOL!”

You were going to point out a fallacy in the statement, namely that none of the cabinfolk’s names were fonts, but you decided not to. After all, you had more questions.

“And what’s that about the inflation?” You asked. You had several more questions.

“there was, wasn’t there?” Screech looked confused. He scratched at the cracks in his skull. "underground, i mean."

You and Bones shared a look of confusion. Bones was first to answer. “THERE MOST CERTAINLY WASN’T! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE AN INFALLIBLE MEMORY!” Seems the guy was still stuck on Grillby calling him Papyrus.

Screech sighed before chuckling to himself. “hey, is this twenty questions? got one for you, human. why’d you come to the cabin?”

You chuckled. “Alright then, I went to the cabin because the apartment got too cold. I didn’t intend to stay more than a night, but I got a bit sidetracked.”

“NOW I’VE GOT ONE FOR YOU, SCR--VERDANA! WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR?” Bones asked, as if trying to change the subject.

“yellow. you?” Screech winked.

Bones smiled through the thin mask he was wearing. “A TIE! PERIWINKLE AND RED!”

“Alright, guys, final question.” You were choosing between asking about the skeletons’ times underground and asking about the “not not allowed to leave the forest,” thing that Bones said earlier. You chose the former. “What was it like underground?”

Both Bones and Screech went silent. Screech pulled his hoodie’s collar up over his face, and Bones just looked away. You realised your mistake. “...Of course, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Bones sighed before beginning. “WHILE IT WAS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYBODY, I BELIEVE I CAN EXPLAIN THE BEST.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter's late. Arm surgery happened and I'm sick af, so I can't write as much. Next chapter will take less time than this one.
> 
> Seriously though, Verdana? What kind of name is that? Screech doesn't do well under pressure, that's for sure. Bones' slip-ups clearly aren't helping any.


	5. A Confusing Continuum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones reveals a heavy mystery about the past, Screech is about as uncomfortable as usual, and Grillby's picking up on a lot of stuff.

Bones inhaled. You were unsure why, before you noticed the pinpricks of tears in his otherwise vacant eyesockets. "HUMAN, SCREECH. BEFORE I BEGIN, CAN I ASK THE BOTH OF YOU SOMETHING?"

You blinked before the words registered in your brain. You nodded, though unsure what to expect. Bones looked over towards Screech, who held a thumbs-up. Bones sighed. "CAN YOU PROMISE ME NOT TO TELL SKIN? IF SKIN FINDS OUT... HE'LL BE RATHER UPSET."

Bones words didn't seem to register in your mind. You had never seen the tall skeleton so serious, and judging from Screech's expression, neither had he. You looked at Bones. "I... I promise."

Screech was harder to convince. After a brief moment, he nodded. A silent gesture that he wouldn't tell Skin about whatever secret Bones was going to reveal to the two. Screech spoke. " 'sides, i already know it anyhow."

Bones started. "HUMAN. HAVE YOU WONDERED WHY WE LOOK SO SIMILAR? WHY HALF OF THE SKELETONS IN THIS CABIN HAVE CROOKED TEETH WHILE THE OTHERS HAVE HEAD WOUNDS?"

Screech exhaled audibly. "you sure you want to tell them?"

Bones nodded. "OF COURSE. I'M SURE."

You felt nervous, not sure what to expect. "I mean, sure. I didn't ask because I thought it would be rude to."

Bones looked around to make sure nobody else was listening in. For once, the skeleton lowered his voice enough to not yell. "Human. The reason why is because all of us are sets of the same people."

You blinked, before tilting your head in confusion. "What do you mean by that, Bones?"

Bones elaborated. "I don't know all the specifics, but we come from different worlds. Take Screech and Bleak. They look like Skin and I, yes?"

You nodded. Screech looked rather uncomfortable. "Yeah, but Screech has the hole in the head and Bleak has the teeth thing, right? Are you like... swapped or something?"

Bones looked at you in shock. Screech's grin was twitching downwards. Bones nodded in response. "Yes. Screech's world is like our old one, but everybody was switched. I act like Bleak, but Skin acts like Screech. Screech and the others know a lot more about this stuff than I do, but I was told quite a bit. I don't know why we ended up here, but we did." The tall skeleton sighed.

Screech gave a slow nod in reply. "i got this one, bones. basically, there's another set of us in the woods except we look a lot more... normal. one of them was messing around with a machine of sorts, and we were all ripped from our lives. skin and bones were the first of them to arrive here."

Bones nodded. "We got placed in another cabin in the woods. A few days later and Screech and his brother showed up."

You were quite unsure, but got snapped out of your thoughts when Grillby brought your group's food and drinks. You were quite startled, Screech gave a rather nervous grin, while Bones appeared stuck in thought entirely. "Thanks, Grillby."

The bartender left as a customer walked in. Screech stuffed his burger down a pocket for later, while Bones started with his milkshake. Immediately upon taking the first sip, Bones' eyes widened. "THIS IS AMAZING!" The skeleton was back to his usual voice.

You smiled, taking a sip of your drink. You had noticed how Bones switched subject upon getting his food, "Bones, are you okay with talking about underground?"

Bones frowned and set his milkshake down. "OF COURSE! OF COURSE!" Bones whispered something to you after, and you looked around. Grillby was listening, though trying to play it cool. Honestly, had not Bones pointed it out, you would have missed it. You were surprised, but you remembered how Grillby had picked up on a lot of the mistakes the three of you had made. Screech sighed. "how about we talk about it after we finish our meals?"

* * *

You were definitely feeling the alcohol. Your head was pounding, but the pain in your legs subsided long enough for you to let out a weak chuckle. You weren't sure what you had said, but it was enough to make Bones blush and Screech pull his hood on. You hoped you weren't going to have to resolve a situation later. You realised you were leaving the bar, but you were so drunk you could hardly see who was carrying you. You were carried into the car, and sat down in the back so that you could lay down. You let out a soft giggle, and promptly fell asleep.

The sleep was dreamless, though you could hear the voices of people around you.

Upon waking up, however, you nearly fell out of bed again. After looking around, you deduced you were in Bones' bed again. A knock on the door had startled you, and the noise irritated your head. You let out a groan. The voice on the other end was that of one you faintly remembered. "you're supposed to say, 'who's there?' " The skeleton startled you. The door opened slowly, allowing you enough time to sit up.

It was Skin. The skeleton scratched at the hole in his head. You were surprised Skin was up this late. Skin's voice was a lot rougher as he asked you a question. "how much did you hear?"

You were confused as you tried to remember earlier. Your eyes widened, and Skin seemed to notice. "i know a few people. but don't worry, i'm not mad. knew it'd happen eventually."

You nodded. You still had trouble with your words with the hangover you had. "I heard the bit about the other worlds, but I didn't hear much else."

Skin seemed to believe you. "well, howzabout i tell you myself?"

You looked shocked. "Really? You don't have to. I know it's a sensitive subject for Bones and Screech, so I doubt it's an easy thing for you."

Skin's grin widened. "nah, it's good."

Skin sat down on the edge of Bones' bed. This was going to be a long story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do greatly apologise for the lateness. A lot of things've been going on, and while I know a lot of people were expecting this sooner, it just wasn't possible. Don't worry, my motivation for this fic's still there! :)


	6. A Tragic Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skin explains some things about some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite rushed, it's probably not the best or the longest thing I've written but it's certainly a plot-filled chapter.

"you know the monster ambassador here, yeah?" Skin began.

Your mind was still cloudy from last night, but eventually, you remembered their name. "Wasn't it Frisk?"

Skin tensed up at the name. Wonder if the two had any history together? "basically, in my world and dire's world, frisk was a selfish bastard. frisk left us to _rot_ in hell." Skin's voice was full of malice. You were shocked, never had you seen him so... angry. "frisk took the souls and left us in the underground."

You were shaken. "How... how long were you in the Underground after Frisk left?"

"ten years. don't get us wrong, we had other humans fall. but after just a few months... the core had broken." Skin let out a shaky breath. "we had no magic food, so we scavenged. after just a few months of the core shutting down, well... our underground was barren. are you aware of what the core _does_, exactly?"

"The CORE... didn't it regulate magic levels in monsters and provide electricity?" You were confused. You had never heard of the CORE shutting down.

"not only that. the core was used for something bigger. the _original_ theorised that because of the core's shutting down, our world-- our universe-- was being pulled even closer to the original's. our world was closer to yours than most others to begin with. the only reason we even fucking exist is because your frisk could've made a choice." You didn't like the way Skin was talking. He sounded like he was incredibly angry, but who could blame him? His world was apparently built off of a single choice, and based on how disturbing it sounded... You could only guess what Skin was thinking. His hands drifted towards his eyesocket and he pulled on it. You were almost tempted to stop him, but it was likely a coping mechanism for him.

"do you know what monsters are made of?" Skin's question startled you out of your thoughts.

"Monsters are made of magic, right?" You don't know where you heard it. "So if the CORE, the source of magic for monsters was to malfunction..." Your eyes widened. Holy shit.

Skin nodded, "when a human dies with its soul still in its body, it acts as a source of magic restoration in monsters. we had dozens of humans fall, and we were starving." Skin confirmed your thoughts, though it sounded as if he didn't want to say what had been done. "there was only one problem. we needed seven souls to break the barrier. we had two options. we could eat, or we could escape. our best option was to eat."

You frowned. "Why would Asgore allow that?"

Skin tilted his head. "no, asgore wouldn't. but in order for frisk to have left the underground, they needed a monster's soul." You gasped in response. "asgore had died. but without a ruler, our land would've went into anarchy in a matter of days. we had a backup plan. the queen was nowhere to be found, so our next in line was... was undyne."

You didn't know how to feel. "Undyne? Captain Undyne was made Queen?"

"empress, actually. she was the worst ruler we could ever have. i forgot most of it, but she's the person who caused bones' teeth to be like they are. in dire's world, she did the same thing. she caused my head injury. same with maroon, actually." Skin sighed.

"What about Screech's world? He mentioned some kind of... economic collapse." You asked, curious. "Was Undyne made Empress, or was it someone else?"

Skin gulped. "screech doesn't even know most of the details in his world, but the empress wasn't undyne. the empress was alphys. alphys did a lot, and before their core could even shut down... the value of g had decreased so much that there was no actual use for it underground."

You were confused. "Alphys? The nerdy lizard person? _She_ was that bad a ruler?"

"did screech tell you that everybody was swapped? well, apparently, alphys and undyne were a pair of people. they got swapped. same with hound's and scream's worlds." Skin explained. "i can't tell you much about anybody else's world. i only know what they told me, and most of us have some memory issues."

You nodded. "Thank you. I'm certain it must've been extremely difficult to survive that."

Skin stood up, his bones creaking. "i'm just going to head back downstairs. if you... if you need anything, just shout." The skeleton sounded as if he was going to cry as he left the room, the door creaking behind him.

You were stunned, eventually you just laid back down and attempted to fall asleep. After what felt like hours, you did.


	7. Amalgamated Additions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unlikely skeleton does an unlikely good deed. Unfortunately, the two of you are not alone in the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Computer crashed in the middle of writing this chapter, so this isn't all that well done or proofread much.

You awoke with a start. Someone was pounding on the door, and your head was doing the same. Your mind swam as you tried to figure out where you were, but the knocking eventually stopped and the door opened. A loud voice snapped you out of your thoughts. It was Dire. “HUMAN. WHY DIDN’T YOU ACKNOWLEDGE MY KNOCKING?” The skeleton crossed his arms in frustration.

“Sorry, Dire, I just woke up–” You began before you were interrupted. Dire cleared his throat.

“HUMAN. YOU ARE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL. SKIN VOLUNTEERED TO TAKE YOU EARLIER, BUT IT SEEMS THE LAZY ARSE HAD OTHER PRIORITIES.” Dire huffed. You were surprised. “SO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? STAND UP.”

You looked at the ground. “Yeah, I kind of… can’t. My legs’re broken, remember?” You reminded him. He tipped his head.

“OF COURSE! I WAS MERELY TESTING YOU TO SEE IF YOU HAD HEALED.” Dire stomped over towards you, hoisting you up over his shoulder. You rolled your eyes.

“Either way, how’s your life? Still troubled that I live here?” You said in a mildly teasing tone. He scowled as he marched down the stairs.

“OBVIOUSLY NOT. I HAD JUST BEEN… STARTLED, IS ALL.” Dire stated. You gave a skeptical look, but decided not to press it further. Outside, Maroon had been sitting on a tree stump. He waved you off with a shiteating grin, and you flipped him off in response. Dire didn’t notice, but he started moving faster. All of a sudden, he stopped. He was listening for something, though what it was you were unsure of. “WHAT DAY IS IT, HUMAN?”

You were startled, but your brain seemed to have remembered. “Tuesday, right? Why? It’s not like you to be panicked.”

Dire’s pace increased. He was muttering something under his breath, and from the corner of your eye you could see a shape moving in and out of view. It looked… weird. It was melting, its two faces grinned, but you were unnerved. Dire noticed, and his pace became a run. You were surprised, but after a few minutes of trying to figure out what was going on, the two of you had reached a road. Dire was sweating. You looked around before a building came into view. Probably the hospital, if Dire walking towards it was anything to go off of. “HUMAN. WHEN WE LEAVE THIS BUILDING, I DO NOT WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ANYTHING UNTIL WE ARRIVE BACK AT THE CABIN.”

You were unsure. “Wh–”

“UNDERSTOOD, HUMAN?” Dire’s voice had a hint of worry to it. “I’LL TELL YOU WHEN WE GET BACK.”

Upon entering the building, Dire paused. He grabbed a face mask from a box just inside the hospital, you realised why, but didn’t say anything. Dire walked towards the elevators, a phalange scanning a sign for what floor was what. Dire let out a grunt of understanding before pushing a button. The silence was awkward, but you wanted to break it. “Dire, what’s your favourite food?”

“MY FA– LASAGNE.” Dire seemed shocked by your nonchalant question. “WHY DO YOU ASK?”

You smiled to yourself. If only Dire was lazy, you could make a joke about a certain condescending orange cat. “No reason.”

The lift let out a brief ding, and you looked up. The doors slid open, an adult and child leaving. The two of you boarded the elevator, and Dire’s scowling at the passengers did not go unnoticed. Eventually, you two left and Dire carried you towards the appropriate place.

* * *

Apparently, your leg was going to heal soon. A week or three, the doctor had said. Unfortunately for you, you had stuff to do for a week or three. You had been given a wheelchair, which Dire seemed happier about. Dire sighed as he wheeled you out of the hospital’s doors. He seemed to remember something, and pulled out a small, cracked flip phone. He tapped some buttons, and raised it to his head. You were still unsure how the skeleton could hear without ears or what it would be called, but you were comfortable just calling it an ear. “COME ON MAROON, PICK UP YOUR PHONE..!” The skeleton muttered.

“MAROON. YOU KNOW THE OTHER THING IN THE WOODS? WE SAW IT AGAIN.” Dire began. “BROTHER. THIS IS SERIOUS. IF THOSE AMALGAMS ARE IN THE WOODS AGAIN THAT MEANS THAT THE HUMAN’S-- NO, ALL OF OUR LIVES ARE IN DANGER.”

Dire sighed. “DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH MAGIC TO TELEPORT? DOES ANYBODY IN THE CABIN?”

You were quite confused. Dire continued. “OF COURSE. TELL HIM TO GET OVER HERE. WE CANNOT RISK ANYTHING.”

Eventually, a faint yellow light flickered before someone appeared. It was a skeleton you hadn’t talked to. “sup, k-kid?" Scream looked incredibly nervous, staring at the ground.

"Not much, you?" You asked, trying to spark some confidence in the skeleton.

"same here, just doin' business." Scream replied, fidgeting with his hands. "come on."

You felt a faint tingling of magic, but before you knew it, the three of you had ended up back in the cabin. Scream looked exhausted. “jesus… i didn’t know that’d take so much outta me.” The skeleton panted.

Dire gave a laugh, before covering his mouth. You were unsure why Dire was not a fan of being happy, but you were going to save it for your other questions later. You turned to Scream. "Thanks, sorry that took so much of your energy." You were unsure how to speak, but Scream gave a faint smile, before waving and walking away.

Dire frowned. "HUMAN, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE THING IN THE WOODS? THE THING I WAS TALKING ABOUT." He asked.

"Uh, sure. I've already heard a lot today, but if you want to tell me about it I'd be alright with it." You were unsure whether or not you wanted to hear, considering what all Dire was saying earlier. The skeleton nodded, before wheeling you towards the stairs. He looked up at the staircase and then back towards your wheelchair. He growled under his breath, before you felt your chair rocking. The wheelchair was being slowly hoisted up the stairs. 

"Dire?" You began

"SHUT UP. I'M ONLY DOING THIS SO WHAT I SAY IS IN COMPLETE PRIVACY." Dire snarled.

* * *

Eventually, the two of you reached the top of the stairs. Dire wheeled you towards a room, though in the darkness it was hard to see what one. The door opened, revealing a room that you were nearly certain wasn't Dire's, if the bright colouring and lack of adequately edgy material was anything worth guessing on. "Who's room is this?"

Dire sighed in response. "...MINE." You let out a stifled giggle, and Dire's grip on your chair tightened. "I WILL NOT HESITATE TO DROP YOU, HUMAN."

You smiled. "Sorry, Dire, I just wasn't expecting this room to be so... nice."

Dire looked embarrassed to even be in his own room. "ANYWAYS, HUMAN. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTINUE LAUGHING AT MY DECOR?"

Honestly, you'd prefer the latter, but you have questions. "Okay, so first-- what the hell was that thing you were so afraid of?"

The skeleton paused. "HUMAN, ARE YOU AWARE OF ALTERNATE WORLDS?"

Your brain was swimming in its thoughts. "Are you saying that that thing was another you? Or was it another type of your brother?"

You had expected a plethora of responses, but not a literal meme. "WELL YES, BUT ACTUALLY NO." Dire chuckled.

"What do you mean?"

"IT'S BOTH. ARE YOU AWARE OF THE CONCEPT OF 'FALLING DOWN?'" The skeleton switched back to his rather serious persona.

"Isn't that like a coma but weirder?" You were unsure how to answer, the question caught you off guard.

"CLOSE, HUMAN. WHEN A HUMAN IS COMATOSE, THEIR BODY IS IN A SLEEPLIKE STATE. WHEN A MONSTER FALLS DOWN, THEY BECOME RIGID, SIMILAR TO HOW A HUMAN CORPSE IS AFTER DEATH. THE MONSTER IS UNABLE TO MOVE, THINK, OR DO ANYTHING; AND IN MOST CASES IT DUSTS IN A FEW DAYS." Dire explained, hands moving in an exaggerated fashion. "BUT THERE IS A SOLUTION. A TEMPORARY ONE, BUT ONE THAT HALTS THE DUSTING PROCESS ENOUGH TO GIVE THE MONSTER A FEW DAYS. MAROON SAID THAT WHEN HE WAS WORKING UNDERGROUND-- BEFORE THE FAMINE-- HIS LAB PARTNER HAD BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITH THE PROCESS."

You were confused, but you understood the basic principles. "So, what, Maroon's lab partner asked for those monsters to be experimented on? That's some next level bit of messed up."

Dire paused. "I'M NOT SURE EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED, BUT ALPHYS WAS CERTAINLY ONLY PERFORMING DUTIES ASSIGNED BY OUR ASGORE."

You were going to question why Asgore would force someone to experiment on what were essentially dying monsters, but you remembered that it wasn't your version of the king. Dire continued speaking. "HUMAN BLOOD HAS A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF LIQUID DETERMINATION. THAT LIQUID DETERMINATION IS THE SOLUTION. UNFORTUNATELY, AS A HUMAN'S BODY CANNOT PERSIST WITH MAGIC, A MONSTER CANNOT SURVIVE ON DETERMINATION. THEIR SOULS WILL NOT ALLOW IT. EVERYBODY'S UNDERGROUND LEARNED THAT THE HARD WAY."

* * *

How did Dire know all this? Maroon couldn't have possibly remembered it all, and you doubt Skin would tell him. You tilted your head. "Dire, how do you remember all this? And what does it have to do with the thing in the woods?" You asked, curious.

Dire stopped speaking entirely. He let out a confused grunt and scratched at his head. "ERR, I'M QUITE UNSURE. I'M SURE I REMEMBER THIS FROM SOMEWHERE." His expression became one of sadness and irritation. "EITHER WAY, THIS DOES HAVE TO DO WITH WHAT YOU SAW. DID SKIN TELL YOU ABOUT THE ORIGINAL WORLDS AND OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH IT? THE AMALGAMS-- THAT'S WHAT WE CALL THEM-- THEY COME FROM A WORLD WHERE ONE OF THE SKELETONS FELL DOWN, AND THE TWO OF THEM ENDED UP COMPLETELY FUSED. LIKE US, THEIR ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS BUILT OFF OF A CHOICE. FOR EVERY PAIR OF US, THERE'S ONE OF THEM."

Dire tilted his head as if remembering something. "WE'VE TRIED TO DUST THEM BEFORE, BUT THEY SURVIVE EVERYTHING WE THROW AT THEM."

"Wait, you've tried to dust them? Why's that?" You asked, a curious expression on your face.

"DON'T GET ME WRONG, IT WASN'T IN ANY SORT OF MALICE. THEIR ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS PAIN. WE WERE TRYING TO PUT THEM OUT OF THEIR MISERY, BUT IT SEEMS THEY'RE IMMORTAL." Dire explained.

"That explanation was the least professional thing you've said to me all day. Are you beginning to trust me?" You tried to break the tension. Dire sighed.

"THIS ISN'T A WELL-SPOKEN CONVERSATION, BUT THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT MATTER. THE ONE YOU SAW WASN'T THE ORIGINAL PAIRS. IT WAS SKIN AND BONES, BUT NOTHING LIKE THE TWO OF THEM." The skeleton grimaced. "WE CALL IT BODY. IT'S QUITE AN UGLY SIGHT. IT STILL ACTS LIKE THE TWO OF THEM DID UNDERGROUND. HAVE YOU HEARD OF WHAT WE... DID?"

You nodded, and Dire sighed in relief. You had no idea how Dire could possibly be relieved that you knew what he and his... family had done underground. You put a hand on his shoulder, but the skeleton did not flinch away nor try to move your hand. Dire looked at the floor, his confidence seemingly gone. "HUMAN, I APOLOGISE THAT NONE OF US HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THE OTHERS IN THE WOODS. THE AMALGAMS ARE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS."

Never before had you seen Dire look nervous. Never before have you heard Dire _apologise_ to anybody. You were stunned. "Dire. It's okay."

Dire shuddered. "IT'S NOT OKAY! I MAY HAVE COME FROM A WORSE WORLD THAN EVEN THE OTHERS, BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR MY BEHAVIOUR."

And never before had you heard Dire even _begin_ to talk about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doubt you were expecting that. Was planning to get this chapter out on Wednesday but I got caught up in something.
> 
> Nickname chart will be updated accordingly.


	8. A Former Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dire explains a thing or two about his world, and then you all plan for a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, a direct continuation of the previous.

You braced yourself for Dire’s ranting, but it never came. Instead, the skeleton seemed much more mellow; calmer than you had ever seen him. “Human, my world is not like the others.” His voice was soft, not holding the usual malice as it usually did. It held a melancholy tone. “Before the famine, before everything went to Hell: My world was different. Disarray’s world comes close, but it still held some softness.”

You let out a breath as Dire did the same. You chide yourself for being disrespectful, the skeleton seemed as if he was reliving every word. “What do you mean yours was different? What happened?”

Dire’s shoulders shook, you could see the faintest pricks of tears in his eyesockets before he blinked them away. “Our world held no softness, no light. The war between humans and monsters was brutal, but after monsters were trapped underground, we had but ourselves. Monsters were not made of love, they were made of LOVE. A crave for power, a bloodlust so strong most of us couldn’t care less if the person we had dusted had a family or would be missed.” The skeleton spoke. “Our king was ruthless, a dictator. Our Royal Guard was full of bastards and common thugs. Our Royal Scientist was manic, and so was everybody else.”

Your eyes widened as the skeleton paused. “Dire, I had no idea–-” You began before the skeleton growled.

Dire glared daggers at you. “DON’T. You don’t understand.” He seemed a lot angrier now, but he paused and exhaled. “Human, do you know what they did to us? What your kind did to both the underground and surface?”

You paused. The room felt so tense you were certain you’d suffocate. Dire tilted his head before resting his head in his hands.

“Humans destroyed the underground, they destroyed the surface. Wars, bombs, mining, parts of the underground had collapsed. If not for that doggone barrier, we could’ve escaped through the _massive crater _in Waterfall. We could see the stars at night, we could feel the wind and we could do nothing. Before long, the surface was so destroyed most of us lost all hope in things ever being like they were. We were desperate before the famine ever began." You could see Dire's fists balling up, the memory seemed painful for him, but you didn't know how to possibly comfort him.

"So, our king instated a new policy. Any human who fell down would be slaughtered. We were _all_ on board, and those of us who weren't were soon killed by the stronger monsters." Dire muttered, expression twisting into a scowl. "There were barely any humans left on the surface."

You gasped in response. While the first half seemed to be a shared trait in both Dire's world and yours, the second half seemed a lot more brutal than what you knew previously. Dire continued. "I'm not going to tell you everything, but the rest isn't pretty. But I must recalibrate my traps."

The silence after lasted what felt like hours but was likely only a second. Dire sighed before standing up. He wheeled you out of the room while you were still processing the conversation, but you noticed how upon opening his door he went back to his arrogant attitude. A grinning skeleton stepped out of the shadows in the hallway, giving you a cheeky wave. "so, dire, didn't know you were the romantic type."

The taller's blush was bright enough to see in the darkened halls. "SHUT UP, SKIN. I WAS JUST..." He seemed to realise there was no conceivable way to make it not sound weird. "...I WAS JUST DISCUSSING MEAL PLANS FOR THIS WEEK WITH THE HUMAN."

You nodded, and Skin's grin widened. You could count how many teeth he had and noticed the terrible quality of them. You had been expecting Skin to make some remark, but he only nodded, turned, and left. Dire hadn't expected this either from the looks of things. "HOW ODD. USUALLY THE ARSE LOVES TO SPY, BUT HE DIDN'T ASK US ANYTHING."

"Why would he? If he knows what we were talking about, he'd not have a reason, right?" You ask, Dire shakes his head, the two of you slowly making your way to the stairs.

"NO. SKIN IS UNPREDICTABLE AT THE BEST OF TIMES, IF HE KNEW WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE AMALGAMS, WHO KNOWS HOW HE'D REACT?" Dire states rather flatly. You wonder why Skin doesn't like talking about the other things in the woods, but could guess a number of reactions. The two of you reached the stairs, and Dire turned your chair around to drag you down them.

"Is this really the safest way to do this?" You questioned, looking behind you towards the skeleton.

"OF COURSE. I, THE TERRIBLE DIRE, AM CERTAIN." Dire gave a smirk. You shrugged. If it wasn't the safest way, it was probably the most fun. The two of you reached the bottom of the stairs in no time, and you made sure to thank the taller skeleton. In response he had only nodded and pushed your chair into the living room before leaving.

Unfortunately, that meant you were now the centre of attention for Skin, Screech, and Maroon. They all gave you a knowing look, though there was no mischief behind it. Skin must've overheard.

* * *

"relax, sweetheart. no_body_'s gonna hurt ya." Maroon smirked, the other skeletons snickering in response. You realised the pun, and chuckled. "you met th'amalgam, yeah? what'd it look like?"

You shrugged. "It looked weird. Mismatched, Dire said it was Bones and Skin stuck together." Why would they need confirmation on what you saw? Didn't they already know? You were unsure. "It waved."

Skin's smile seemed forced, while Maroon was sweating nervously. Screech was more difficult to read. He seemed calm. Skin spoke first, having seemingly forgotten the pun less than a minute ago. "well, i'm glad no_body_ hurt you."

There was no reaction, so Skin continued. He leaned forwards, the couch and his bones creaking in protest. "hey, kid. i'm sorry i never told you all this shit. never thought i'd have to, and this happenin' so early on must really be takin' a toll on you. so how about tomorrow we get the gang together and have fun?"

Maroon looked absolutely ecstatic, his grin was so wide it was taking up over half his face. Screech was still trying to keep his excitement under wraps, and he leaned over to Skin and whispered something to him. You couldn't make it out, but Skin nodded. Screech's face temporarily lit up in happiness. "where to?" His simple question caught all four of you off guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this chapter! Illness is no fun. Unfortunately, this chapter was written in just under six hours because my brain hurts and I can't think. It's very rushed, only minor proofreading. Like my other chapters but worse.


	9. Party Planners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The skeletons do a small raffle, though a raffle is not entirely the right word. More like people drawing names from a hat, except more chaotic.

"where to?" His simple question caught all four of you off guard.

Fortunately, the silence was broken by Maroon clearing his throat. "why don't we do a vote? easy enough, right?" He seemed to be thinking, but he still had a grin plastered on his face. Skin nodded, and Screech gave a thumbs up.

"great idea. way to _red_ between the lines, maroon." Skin chuckled at his own pun. Maroon seemed not to find it funny, though you were unsure why. "but now we need to get the others in here to decide. you know how hard that'll be."

"yeah, yeah. i'll go git 'em." Maroon muttered, giving Skin a glare-- though there was no malice behind it. The skeleton stood up, bones cracking. He slowly walked towards the door, shrugging. "see ya in a few."

Skin smiled at you, and Screech looked around-- clearly confused. You noticed Skin was staring at you, but he quickly turned his head once he realised you could see him. A few minutes of awkward silence passed before the sound of the door opening and a crowd of energetic skeletons entered the house. Bones was first, and he seemed ecstatic once he spotted you.

"HELLO, HUMAN! IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN! I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MY PUZZLES, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW THEM TO YOU!" Bones clapped his hands together, clearly excited.

"Nice to see you too, Bones! Have you been thinking about where you'd like to go?" You asked, glad to see him.

"YES, I HAVE! MAROON SAID WE'D BE DOING A RAFFLE, AND I HAVE THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF COOL HATS TO DO THIS PROPERLY: ONE!" Bones grinned at you, and you could count each of his teeth. Misshapen and broken as his teeth were, he still smiled. You should really get the Bones-equivalents to go to the dentist and get their teeth fixed, but you had no idea where the nearest dentist was. You should ask. You had no idea that Bones had a 'cool hat', but you were looking forward to seeing it.

Another skeleton, Bleak, jumped onto your lap, not realising that your legs were still broken. A wave of pain made you recoil, but the short skeleton didn't notice. "I WANT TO GO TO THE B-BEACH!" The skeleton grinned. It seemed as if he had forgotten the season, but judging from the skeleton's hyperactive nature it was likely not a thought on his mind.

"GOOD IDEA!" Disarray nodded. "I, THE MALEFICENT SANS, SUPPORT THIS IDEA IN ITS ENTIRETY." Wait, he was a Sans?

Dread nodded. "MWAH HAH! THAT'S A DECENT IDEA FROM YOU, BLEAK." You agreed. It was a good idea.

Dire, who you hadn't seen up until this point, laughed from the back of the crowd. "HAH! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH IN WINTER? ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR MINDS?" The skeleton sneered.

"WELL, DIRE, I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE AFTER THE RAFFLE!" Disarray snapped. His shorter stature didn't stop him from looking intimidating, leaning towards the other. Dire looked away, crossing his arms.

You could see why this would be an issue. Bones was quick to try and stop the argument, stepping in between the two. "BOTH OF YOU! I WILL NOT HAVE YOU RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD EVENT BY YOUR BICKERING! IF THAT WILL BE ALL, I'M GOING TO GET THE HAT."

A few minutes later, and Bones returned wearing a ridiculous hat. It was multicoloured, the red and green were conflicting natures. A message appeared to have been written in marker, the _Cool Dude_ had been crossed out and replaced with _Cool Raffle Hat_, though you couldn't tell exactly why it had been crossed out. The skeleton crouched down, setting the hat in Skin's lap. "OKAY, EVERYBODY, GET OUT A PAPER! TEAR OFF A PIECE, WRITE DOWN WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, AND PUT IT IN THE HAT!" Bones instructed, and the other skeletons hesitantly complied.

* * *

Eventually, the skeletons had all put their paper in the hat. Now it was time for Skin to draw the names. "and the destinations is... the beach. no surprises there." The skeleton chuckled. "let's _seas_ the day!" Did he just..? He did. That was terrible.

The collective groaning and cheering of the skeletons in the cabin was loud, but not as loud as Dire's complaining. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THE BEACH? YOU ALL ARE INSANE."

"well, if you want to, buddy, you can stay here all alone and deal with the amalgams." Skin's expression darkened. Dire paused, before sighing. "yeah, that's what i thought."

Maroon was still nowhere to be seen. Screech looked around, likely still trying to figure out what was going on. "where'd maroon go? picking up the others shouldn't take too long, yeah?" That was a good question. You didn't have an answer, but it seemed Skin did.

"eh, went off to do somethin'. he'll be back in a minute." Skin shrugged. Screech seemed content with that answer and leaned back, taking a shaky breath. "now we know where we're all goin', time to tell you all when we're goin'."

The small group of skeletal monsters quieted down, and Skin smiled. "tomorrow." There was an underlying tone to his voice, as if he was daring anybody to try and stop him and his goals for fun. You had no idea why the tone in his voice was present, but you were startled. In fact, a knock at the door seemed to startle everybody. The group of monsters rushed to hide you.


	10. Interdimensional Inspection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A skeleton you've never seen before inspects your cabin. The others aren't happy.

The resulting chaos was shocking. Entire groups of skeletons were trying to drag you with them, Bones was trying to calm everybody down, a skeleton you couldn't see threw a blanket over your head and wheeled you somewhere, and you could hear everybody frantically trying to do... whatever it was that they were doing. You couldn't tell. A door in front of you shut with a quiet click, and you took off the blanket on your head to be met with complete darkness.

At first you thought there was another blanket on top of your head, but after attempting to take it off you discovered that-- no, there was no further blankets and the room you were in was just dark. Your hands briefly touched a wall. It was wet. You recoiled as if you had touched a hot iron, and dug through a pocket of yours to try and find your phone. After a few moments, your hand grasped the rectangular metal piece. You turned it on, trying to figure out where exactly you were.

Oh.

Oh, that's bad. Whatever was on your hands was an eyecatching crimson. Whatever it was was fresh. Whatever it was had the metallic tangy smell of blood. You moved the phone around, trying to get a bearing on your surroundings. You let out a startled gasp. There were slabs of meat, still bloody and raw, on the shelf nearest to you. That must've been where you felt the wetness. Around you, you could see carcasses hanging by hooks on a wall far from you. There were tools that you could only assume were used for butchering whatever was in the room.

Your first thought on what you were looking at was _humans_, but you quickly realised that you weren't looking at the corpses of your own kind. No, they were labeled clearly. A section was labeled as for poultry, one for elk, and one for moose. That was good, you didn't know what you'd do if you had been gawking at stray campers or something. A feeling of guilt washed over you, you felt bad for judging the skeletons' choice of meats on their history.

You wiped the blood on your hand on your shirt. Not the most sanitary thing, but it'll do for now. You were currently alone in the dark, only the light of your phone to let you see your surroundings. You made your way towards the door, and you opened it a crack.

You could clearly see Skin and Screech arguing with Maroon. Except it wasn't Maroon. It was a new skeleton, one that looked almost identical to Maroon, but... smaller? You never realised until now, but even Skin was taller than you by over two heads, this new skeleton was barely taller than you. He wasn't nearly as short as Bleak or Dread, though. You listened closely to what they were talking about.

"--this is our house, you have no right to inspect it! it's rightfully ours!" Skin yelled.

"yeah? m'sorry, _axe_, but this world don't work like that. it's our job ta make sure you ain't choppin' up humans over 'ere." The new skeleton snarled. You noticed that the skeleton didn't have a head wound, making you wonder if he was even related to your group. You didn't know who he was talking to, you never knew an Axe. Besides the one in the room you were in right now, of course.

Screech put a hand on the new skeleton's shoulder, shrugging as the other shoved his hand away. "hey, pal. we don't use that name around here, _capiche? _axes are tools, not people. skin ain't a tool."

Skin just glared. "red, i suggest you get off of my property. i don't dislike you, but i don't want you near the others. maroon ain't exactly fond of you, and i doubt the rest are either."

Red grinned, though it held no humour. "you know th'original, always makin' me do th'dirty work." Skin rolled an eyelight in response. "i don't wanna hafta inspect yer place, you know? just take th'easy way an' i'll be outta yer hair."

Skin sighed. "the easy way, the easy way. you always say that, as if i can't think about the easy way. the easy way would be me dusting you right here and now, the easy way would be me kicking you out of my house, the easy way would be you going back to the original and telling him that this place is as normal as can be."

"you know i can't do that. it's m'job, an' as much as i'd love ta lie ta what is quite literally yer face, you an' i know that ain't gonna work." Red's eyelights vanished, grin becoming a scowl.

Skin shrugged, raising his hands in mock surrender. "alright, alright."

You opened the door a bit more to get a better view, not expecting a loud creak to be released from the door. All three skeletons snapped their gaze towards the door. Screech facepalmed. Red sighed. "y'know, i wasn't expectin' ta hafta do actual work today." He walked towards the door. You were petrified, you had no clue what to do.

Skin, fortunately, seemed to pick up on the danger he was in. He looked you dead in the eyes, sat on the very corner of the couch and put a blanket on his head. You understood, nodded, and repeated the action. You moved precariously in between the shelf of slabs of meat, and put the blanket on your head to cover yourself up. Just in time for Red to open the door with a slow creak. "watcha got in 'ere, mate?"

You held your breath. You could see Red's eyelight scanning the room through the thin layer of fabric. He didn't seem to see anything he felt to be out of the ordinary. "stars, this room stinks. y'ever hear of _refrigeration_?" The skeleton asked, pinching the bridge of his nose in mock disgust. "eh, whatever, ain't nothin' ta report."

Thank god he didn't see you. You were still holding your breath, and it was getting quite uncomfortable at this point. The door closed, but there were no footsteps. You didn't move. After what felt like ages, the skeleton left. When you were sure Red was gone, you let out your breath. You didn't know what his deal was, but you didn't like the way him and Skin talked to each other.

After what felt like hours, Red left. Skin rushed into the room you were in and took off the blanket on your head, a panicked expression on his face. "did he see you?"

You shook your head frantically, "I don't think so, what was your deal with him?"

Skin sighed. "fucker's basically maroon, just without the starvation. the two don't get along, and red's not a huge fan of us. his group treats us like freaks or somethin'." With an abrupt pause, you noticed Skin's eyelight shrinking. "are you certain he didn't see you?"

You nodded. "If he did, he was subtle about it. Not at all like your demonstration of what to do. Seriously, though, the _fuck_ was that?" You teased. Skin gave a weak chuckle.

"i dunno, it was just somethin' in the moment. at least you understood." Skin shrugged. You smirked.

"At least you got this figured out. Are these... inspections common?" You asked, curious.

Skin scratched at the hole in his head. "every few months, i think."

You nodded, though you weren't quite sure how to feel. "You said there were other groups?"

Skin tilted his head, "only a few that i know of. the amalgams and the... others."

"Why do you let the 'others' walk all over you?" You asked. "They aren't better than you all."

Skin sighed, slouching. "y'see, kid. our forest works in a weird way. we have a hierarchy based on who was here first. the original's group was here long before we ever showed up. the original's a leader, kind, caring. you should see his pap..." Skin trailed off, seemingly lost in thought, before shrugging. "we, uh... we _aren't_ that, as you've probably gathered." 

You shook your head. "If the 'original' sends others to do his work for him, treats your group as inferiors, and won't even let you all leave the forest; I doubt that's very much something a good leader does." You rested a hand on Skin's, realising only now how much bigger his was than yours. "And from what I've seen? You guys are the nicest people I've ever met. Sure, Dire's a tad rough, but he's just from a harsher world."

Skin blinked at you, eyelight dilating. His grin fell, and he looked away. As quick as he did, however, he winked at you and his grin reappeared. "i never guessed you were a lift."

You paused. "What?"

"because you really _raise my spirits_." Skin laughed, a deep chuckle. You couldn't help but laugh at that one, it was so unexpected. "seriously though, maroon's gonna flip when he realises what happened."

You raised a brow. "What do you mean?"

"you'll see." Skin grinned at you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mc, quietly sitting in the corner of the room pretending to not exist.  
Red, not noticing the distinctly human-shaped lump in the corner or the wheelchair at all: Nah, there's nothing here.  
Mc: Stealth 100
> 
> That's... all I could make an ending note about.
> 
> Oh, and also I have a new fic, one that focuses primarily on Sixbones variants. It's called Alternate Amalgam Adventures, and once I figure out how to link things on the end notes I'll add it.


	11. Evening Eavesdropping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maroon comes home drunk, you eavesdrop on every conversation ever, Skin has a mental breakdown, and Bones is strangely comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mental breakdown.

When Skin said that you'll see what he had meant, he wasn't joking around. Maroon had entered the house late at night and even from upstairs you could hear his intoxicated yelling. "oh m'_god! _that bastard! i waste m'time at th' lab and all i hear is 'maroon, your notes are too similar for you to help here!' 'maroon, stop eating all the hotdogs!' 'maroon, pass me a wrench.' 'maroon, please leave!' how fuckin' dare he!" The skeleton did a good imitation of whoever had said that, the voice sounded similar to Skin's. You heard thudding and a second voice joined in.

"maroon, you know why they don't want you helping with the machine. 's not a good reason, but it ain't a reason to lose a _screw_ over it. --stars above, would you stop throwing things?" A muffled voice, likely Skin's, replied.

"i ain't in th'mood fer yer puns, bonebag. somethin' went wrong, and there's a chance i'll get ta 'ave th'_lovely_ conversation with dire about how he gits ta go back ta the starvin' wasteland that is our underground." A larger thud, likely a chair falling over. You were confused as to what the fuck he was saying, but you were soon shut up by Maroon's next sentence. "an' there's a chance i'll never get again with th'human. if they find out just how much better th'others are than us, all'a us have a chance ta lose 'em."

You recalled Dire talking about their Underground. It wasn't a good place, and that was during the best of times. Your face seemed to warm up at what Maroon had implied in later sentences, though you were ashamed to admit it. "i jus' don't wanna go back. i don't wanna have to tell him."

"does that mean there's a chance we're all going back?" Skin's voice sounded deeper, harsher, a monotone version of what it usually was.

Maroon paused. "no. screech's world, yer world, you'll probably ne'er hafta see it again. th'original told me that only th'ones furthest from th'main world'll hafta go back. my odds're fifty-fifty. scream an' hound've got th'worst odds."

The creaking of floorboards outside your room could be heard even through the door. From the sounds of things, it was Bones. "how's it goin', bro?" Skin's attitude seemed to do a complete flip, he was the happy skeleton, but you could hear just how angry he had been mere moments ago.

"GOOD, GOOD. I'M JUST HERE FOR A GLASS OF WATER. HOW ARE YOU TWO DOING?" Bones' voice echoed through the halls.

"pretty good, i'm just helping maroon sober up." Skin's voice seemed almost... nervous.

Bones clapped his hands together. "I'M GLAD! IS THIS A FURNITURE FIGHT? IS THAT WHY ALL THE CHAIRS ARE OVERTURNED?"

"maroon gets kind of emotional when he's drunk. got angry. lab work with the others." Skin spoke quickly, though you had no idea why.

"AH, FAIR ENOUGH. THE OTHERS ARE QUITE A LOT TO DEAL WITH." Bones' voice was laced with suspicion. "EITHER WAY, BROTHER, DO YOU KNOW WHERE HOUND'S GONE?"

* * *

You could hear the silent tension. Maroon broke it. "yeah, hound was o'er at th'lab, too. said he'd be back in... about an hour and a half ago." His voice trailed off before the front door opened.

"s-sorry i'm late. got a bit caught up. m'lord called me t-to see about checking the snowfall. wanted to make sure his t-traps wouldn't get ruined." A soft, shaky voice mumbled. You could barely even hear it.

"ah, thought something bad happened." Maroon chuckled. The thunderous footsteps outside your room died down. You had always wondered where Bones had been sleeping, you didn't want him to not have a bed. "listen, i gotta tell you somethin'."

"w-what about?"

"my plans went wrong." You could feel the bonechilling 'my' in the sentence. "machine's closer than usual. if somethin' happens, you could... th'odds're low enough that there's a good chance you'll be perfectly fine, but--"

"don't finish that sentence." Hound's voice sounded much more threatening, but it still held that edge of uncertainty. "i don't want to think about it."

Maroon paused. "fine. th'others are probably just tryin' ta make us nervous. make us on our best behaviour so they don't gotta send us back."

The rest of the night was silent. You couldn't sleep well. You had too many thoughts, all of them invasive, all of them unneeded. _What had Maroon meant when he said his 'odds'_? Or _what had Maroon's 'plans' been_? You felt terrible for eavesdropping, but if it revealed the future fate of one of your best friends you knew it was worth it.

* * *

"rise an' shine, sweetheart." A gruff voice followed by a sharp knock at your door made you wince. "boss wants me ta git you up early today."

"Ugh, what time is it?"

"just after four." You could hear the humour in his voice; a stark contrast from what you heard during your spying last night.

You stood up, before-- wait. You _stood _up. You were free from the confines of the wheelchair. You took a shaking step forward and to your surprise it worked. You had been trying to walk for about a week now, but with how badly you had broken your legs you had assumed it to be a permanent thing. You opened the door just before Maroon did, he didn't seem to notice the fact that you were walking properly. "skin's havin' a bit a hard time right about now. _don't_ startle him. i ain't gonna stop ya if ya got no self preservation instinct."

As you walked down the stairs, gripping the handrail for dear life, you heard the faint sound of someone hyperventilating and muttering. You turned the corner to see Skin huddled into the darkest corner of the room, hood pulled over his head and rocking himself slowly. As you approached, you could hear him mumbling. You apparently walked too loudly, Skin's head snapped towards you before he lunged forwards. You thought you would smell blood or feel pain, but you felt nothing. You opened your eyes and let out a breath you didn't know you had been holding. Skin's jaws had been wedged open by a bone attack cast by an unamused Bones. "HUMAN, GO BACK UPSTAIRS. LET ME HANDLE THIS."

How was Bones so calm? "How many times--"

"TOO MANY. TOO MANY, Y/N." Bones had actually called you by your real name. Bones turned his attention back to his brother, speaking with a softness you didn't know his voice could possess. "Sans, look at me."

Skin looked at Bones, eyelight dilating. "We are not Underground anymore. You're free. You're alright. You're safe." Bones continued, you hurried upstairs while you had the chance, though you paused and looked over the banister to watch the conversation.

"Can you repeat what I'm saying, Sans?" Bones sounded relaxed, as if this had happened too many times to count. It probably had. "We are not Underground. You're free. You're alright. You're safe."

"no, no, this isn't right. the kid. frisk'll... reset. we'll be back. we'll be hungry again. i can't _lose_ everybody again. the machine. no, no..." Skin spoke in fragmented sentences. You noticed he brought up Frisk again, along with a strange word you never thought you'd hear. 'Reset.' What was that?

"Repeat after me. You are not Underground. You're free. You're alright. You're safe."

"paps... i don't want to. going back. no. bad. hunger, death. undyne." You heard a sound you'd never think could be said in a situation like this. Laughter. Skin's laughter. The skeleton's grin grew impossibly wider, and you could see just how many more teeth Skin had than the average person. "where's that human? straight to number five. straight to number five. no frisbees. freebies. scrap it and kill them. i could eat buckets of you little tykes and it'd never qualify as cannibalism." The sentences had no order, likely fragments of conversations flashing in his shattered mind.

"You are not Underground. You're free. You're alright. You're safe."

"no." Skin's voice was deeper. "thousands of times. how many times has this happened? how many times have i hurt people? never again. never again."

Bones exhaled. "You are not Underground. You're free. You're alright. You're safe."

"w-we aren't underground. i'm free. i'm... i'm alright. i'm safe." Skin spoke this as more a question.

"You're going to come join me on the couch, we're going to talk about the beach." Bones continued.

Skin paused. "i'm going to join you on the couch, we're going to... to talk about the beach."

You were surprised at how well Bones had worded everything to avoid triggering another panic attack on the shorter's end. "Do you need help standing?"

Skin looked embarrassed. "yeah..."

Bones reached an arm towards Skin, the other pausing before taking it and hoisting himself up. "i'm sorry."

"Whatever for?"

"the human. i... shouldn't have." Skin paused. "where'd they go? did i...?"

"No, no. They're perfectly fine. Human, it's okay to come down now." Bones seemed to be addressing you, and so you did. You walked down the stairs. Skin looked ashamed of himself. "Sans, it's not your fault. Human, it's not yours either."

Bones smiled at you, crooked teeth seeming less menacing than usual. "I'm sorry I startled you, Sans."

"you know i'm not sans. the real sans would _never_ have done what i had."

"You're literally the exact same person. I can call you Sans. Besides, you're real enough for me." You did the only thing you could think of doing, you sat down and booped Skin's nose (nose hole?) You're lucky he didn't bite your finger off, but he seemed so shocked that it got him out of whatever state of mind he had been in.

"the fuck was that?" Skin asked. In response, you only did it again. "no. i disagree."

Bones was laughing by the end of it, Skin was confused as all hell, and you had almost completely forgotten the incidents of before. "It's called a boop."

Skin paused, likely thinking over his actions. He did the same thing to you, making you break out in laughter. Bones put his arm over you and Skin, "WELL, I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE UP. SANS, ARE YOU EXCITED TO GO TO THE BEACH?"

Skin winced at the volume of Bones' voice, an opposite of how quiet it had been before. "you bet i am. i can hardly _bay_-lieve we're going to the beach this winter. speaking of, you got the address down?"

Bones groaned at the pun. "CONSIDERING THAT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE'VE EVER BEEN TO THE BEACH, I AM CHOOSING TO ALLOW THIS PUN."

Skin grinned. "no need to be a _beach_ about it."

Bones swatted at the other playfully. "BROTHER! THAT WAS A TERRIBLE PUN! YOU AT LEAST COULD'VE HAD SOME CLASS!"

"okay, fair enough." Skin shrugged. "what time're we leaving?"

"TO MAKE IT ON TIME... I'D SAY ABOUT AN HOUR FROM NOW."

You smiled. "Want me to wake everybody up?"

"sure, i guess. makes my job a lot easier." Skin tugged at his empty eyesocket.

"WHAT _IS_ YOUR JOB, BROTHER?"

"make sure you follow road safety laws, make sure nobody kills anybody else, pick rooms for everybody, and make sure we don't spend more than our allotted 150G." Skin replied, a deadpan look on his face. "that's my job. laws, people, rooms, cost."

What kind of beach had _rooms_? What kind of beach did people go to during _winter_? What kind of beach were you all going to? You were tempted to ask but you wanted this to be a surprise. After all, spending time with these skeletons always lead to surprises.


	12. Obligatory Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes on a relaxing beach trip, though it's certainly not what you were expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay, moving to a new location is weird. Not proofread, computer restarted in the middle of writing.

Gathering every skeleton and their belongings in the same vehicle was much more difficult that you had anticipated. Your car barely fit four of the skeletons, much less ten of them _and_ yourself. Maroon had decided to tie himself to the roof of the car in a rather questionable decision to make more room for Bones. Even Hound had to scrunch up in order to fit, his head still touched the ceiling. Skin was asleep on the car floor, a decision you had originally objected to until it was pointed out just how cramped the car was.

It looked like something out of a clown's routine, the car crammed to the brim with bickering skeletons. You would be laughing if it weren't so claustrophobic. "Hey, Bones?"

"YES, HUMAN?" Bones' voice was louder than usual, an attempt to speak over the crowd.

"Do you know where we're going? Mind giving me directions?" You asked.

"CERTAINLY! GO LEFT-- YOUR OTHER LEFT, HUMAN!" Bones attempted to give you directions. "THAT'S RIGHT-- NO, NOT THE DIRECTION! HOW ABOUT WE JUST SWITCH WHERE WE ARE? I'LL DRIVE?" You pulled over your car and got out, Bones managed to squirm past the overlapping mass of skeletons and got in on your side.

Skin, Screech, Maroon-- hell, almost every skeleton in the car gripped anything they could for dear life. That included you and each other. You saw why, the car accelerated to a speed far above the limit. "IT'S A SPEED RECOMMENDATION, NOT A SPEED LIMIT!" Bones yelled, cackling like a madman.

You never should've let Bones drive. The car flew over a speed bump, airborne for a comically long amount of time. "WE'LL BE THERE IN NO TIME!"

"Bones, could you slow down?" You asked, panicked. You didn't want to get pulled over today. Hell, you didn't want to _die_ today.

"WE'RE ALMOST HALFWAY THERE!" You were confused at the reply, the coast normally took several hours to get to. "NO USE SLOWING DOWN NOW!"

A speed bump you could've sworn wasn't there before, and Bones sped up. You were genuinely terrified for your life. Maroon's grasp on your arm was so tight you lost circulation. Bleak, Disarray, and Dread looked absolutely ecstatic. But before you could do anything, Bones skidded to a stop. You could see flashes of bright light through your window and you hoped that the wheels weren't sparking.

"OBEYING THE ROAD SAFETY LAWS IS THE BEST THING ANY ROYAL GUARDSMAN CAN DO." Bones explained casually. You were certain that Bones hadn't been obeying any road safety laws until this point. After a moment of awkward silence, Bones sped up again, only to slide to a stop only a few minutes later. "WE'RE HERE!"

It was not what you were expecting by any stretch of the imagination. Instead of an open space, the place was enclosed, but that didn't make it any less beautiful. The shimmering glass reflected the morning sun's faint beams of light, a shocking sight. The structural supports were a magnificent grey, a flamboyant purple rooftop and doorway-- not to mention the sign clearly labeling it as 'MTT Sand Palace' making it clear just who owned the establishment. You weren't exactly _fond_ of the rectangular celebrity who seemed to have taken much of the world by storm these days, but you weren't complaining. In fact, you _loved_ the place. "Holy-- how much does this place cost?" You were at a loss for words.

"eh, article said somethin' like only 10G for a room, 2G room service, 2G meals, and... that's about all it should cost." Skin pulled out a calculator from his pockets. "around 140G total. 10G spare in case somethin' goes wrong, which i **doubt** will happen." You noticed Skin glaring down Dire, the other returning a glare just as fierce.

"How were you guys able to _do_ this? How much even is that in our currency?" You asked. You had no clue that they could afford a place like this.

Skin shrugged, giving you a cheeky grin. "most of us work," was the only answer he gave. You noticed that most of the skeletons had already made their way towards the front, you hurried to catch up with them.

"WOWZERS! THIS PLACE LOOKS EVEN BETTER UP CLOSE!" Bleak was right, you could see the interior, and damn was it amazing. Waterslides, a bar that you were _very_ interested in by the colours of the drinks on display, a general lobby full of chatting adults you could've sworn to have seen somewhere. Practically all of your group had their faces pressed against the window, several skulls squished as if made of flesh-- a thing you would've questioned had you not have seen several logic-defying things during your time with them. You realised how creepy you all looked.

"How about we head in? I bet it looks even better inside!" You smiled.

"EXCELLENT IDEA, HUMAN!" Disarray smiled at you. He marched towards the door, the other skeletons followed shortly behind. "WAIT, WE NEED OUR MASKS AND HATS."

Screech grinned, opening up a suitcase you only now noticed he had been carrying. "got 'em." He opened it, revealing the largest selection of oddly specific items you've ever seen. "pick a hat, pick a mask. don't pick both, they'll think you're robbin' the place."

Skin got himself a basic black beanie, Screech an orange and white cap. Maroon only chuckled, choosing a fake wig. "no fair, maroon." Skin grinned. "wanna trade?"

"hell no! i got myself dis fair an' square." Maroon stated, though there was no malice behind his words.

Hound gave you a faint smile, and you finally saw what he was wearing. A _chicken hat_. Holy shit, this suitcase had everything! You laughed out loud, before you saw the hat Scream chose. Was that a _Kirby_ hat? That suitcase really had everything, didn't it? You were practically hysterical at that point. The other skeletons chose to just raise their scarves or bandannas-- Disarray chose a skull-patterned bandanna from the suitcase, he actually looked badass.

"NOW THAT WE'RE READY, LET'S GO IN!" Bones exclaimed. You noticed the patrons inside giving you dirty looks, you returned with several choice gestures.

The place looked amazing on the inside, appearing drastically larger than it was before. Your group walked over to the receptionist. Skin gave a cheeky wave. "howzit goin', bp? here to register under 'sans serif.'"

'BP' looked like he was seething with rage. The catlike monster's ears were literally smoking, and the expression on his face looked rather grotesque. He turned to the computer, and typed in something. "Reservation for... rooms 31, 32, 35, 42? Under Sans Serif, two days? Thank you, sir! Have a marvelous day!" 'BP' had a forced smile on his face.

"thank you. have a great day." Hound grinned back, giving a small wave and moving your group along.

"Who was that?" You whispered to Skin.

"old friend, we all call him burgerpants. don't know what happened to him in our worlds." Skin explained. "that doesn't matter. but you know what does?"

"What?" You asked, you genuinely had no idea what to say in response. Why was Burgerpants'

Skin's grin widened. "now we gotta pick rooms and put stuff away. who wants to carry the belongings?"

People started quickly putting a phalange on their nose-hole. After just a few seconds, Hound was the only one left. "oh." He groaned, turning on the spot and ambling towards the exit. You felt bad for him, but rules are rules, right?

"now we gotta pick rooms. e'ryone with their bro? who'll the human be with?" Scream asked, voice still holding an edge of nervousness.

You were confused, but you got the general idea. "Three in the first three, two in the last." You smiled. "Anybody not want to be roommates with anybody?"

"definitely not w-with hound. we don't get a-along in the best o-of circumstances." Scream gave a weak chuckle. "most of us don't get along with s-someone."

Eventually, it was decided. The first room was made up of Hound, Bones, and Bleak. Second room had Screech, Maroon, and Scream. The third room had Dire, Disarray, and Dread. The final room only had two, you and Skin. Now that you knew where you all were going, it was clear just how it was going to work. Hound returned, arms full of suitcases and bags, only to set them down and practically collapse. "Thank you, Hound." You gave a genuine smile.

"uh, n-no problem. don't w-worry. everybody should take their bags and i'll see you all at the pool." Hound chuckled, slowly walking towards the water.

You caught something out of the corner of your eye, though it vanished before you could get a good look at it. It had Body's general amorphous nature. Nobody else pointed it out, you probably were just seeing things. Besides, how could Body possibly have known about this trip?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader: Time for a fun vacation!  
Bones: ROAD SAFETY LAWS, PREPARE TO BE IGNORED!


	13. Pool Party Crashers and Poorly Put Comparisons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne accidentally happens and Skin makes a weird analogy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A (relatively) unplanned chapter! Yay. Not proofread, probably full of mistakes.

You weren't going in the pool just yet, you were going to check out the room. Upon opening the door, you found just how plain it looked compared to the otherwise bright nature of the building. It still looked fancy, a window taking up the entire wall. Two large beds, two closets, a bathroom and a sofa. Like a large hotel room, you thought. Funnily enough, you could see snow outside the window, despite it not having snowed at all in the area. How odd. You sat on the bed and started unpacking your suitcase. You didn't pack much, your swimsuit and a few changes of clothes being the only wearable things. Your hairbrush and a toothbrush the only other items. The bedsheets were extremely comfortable. You wanted to sleep, but you knew you had other things to do-- having fun.

Upon putting your clothes in the closet across from your bed, you changed into your 'swimsuit,' though you could hardly call it that. A simple T-shirt and shorts actually looked half decent on you. You headed out. You spotted the guys on the other end of the building. Bleak was floating in the pool, Dire and Maroon were splashing each other, Scream, Screch, and Hound were just wading through the pool, and Skin was seated on top of Bones' shoulders. Disarray and Dread had left the area and were talking to some people you've never seen before. Funnily enough, only Bones and Dire were wearing actual swimsuits, everybody else had their normal clothes on. "Hey, guys!" You shouted, waving. Skin was so startled that he fell off of Bones' shoulders and landed in the water with a splash.

He came up sputtering, opening his mouth to let a fountain of water fall out. But the most surprising thing was that his beanie was still attached to his hat. "sup, kiddo?" He gave you a wink.

"Not much, you?" You smiled.

"nah, i was just, uh... wanting to ask you... i was thinkin' about somethin' last night, you know?" He paused for a moment, still floating in the water. "sorry, i forgot. uh, what were we talkin' about again?"

You smiled, though your mind immediately flashed back to the night prior when Maroon got home. _"an' there's a chance i'll never get again with th'human. if they find out just how much better th'others are than us, all'a us have a chance ta lose 'em."_ You gave a nod. "That's okay, I understand. How're you liking the place?"

"pretty good, comfortable, it's nice." He replied, looking away with a lone eyelight.

Maroon appeared practically out of nowhere, still wearing his jacket. "hey, skin, knock knock."

"no."

"knock knock." Maroon persisted.

"who's there?" Skin sighed, exasperated.

Maroon grinned. "howard."

"howard who?" Skin scratched at the hole in his head.

Maroon winked at you. "howard you not want to ask them out yet?"

Skin sunk into the water. "no." His muffled voice was low. You didn't know exactly how to feel about the joke, but you could feel your face warming.

"ah, come on, why not? sweetheart's got it all, good looks, excellent fashion sense, an' might i say it but th'best personality i've ever seen in a human." Maroon seemed to enjoy making you blush, and if there was no fear of drowning you would be tempted to join Skin, who was currently pacing at the bottom of the pool. Maroon laughed. "eh, don't worry, skin's th'guy i'm tryna fluster."

* * *

The two of you were stopped when something sped through the pool. Wait, that wasn't a something; that was a person. The person slowed down, and you could make out her features properly. It was a tall, muscular woman, a red ponytail loosely tied in the back of her hair. The woman had a black tank top and jeans, an eyepatch covered her left eye. Two fins were on either side of her head. "Hey, Sans, didn't know you were here!" She pulled Skin out of the water. You noticed that both skeleton's eyelights had vanished completely. Skin wasn't moving, and Maroon was slowly sinking into the water. The woman gestured towards you, "Is that your date? I didn't know you were seeing anybody!" She laughed, a harsh chuckle.

Skin looked visibly tense, mouth stretched into a nearly unnatural shape. Maroon looked panicked, wading away underwater. Eventually, Skin spoke, a lighter tone than what he usually spoke in despite the two's complicated history. "you _betta_ believe it." The skeleton's grin was softer, though it was still very tense. As if he was pretending to be someone he wasn't.

The fish monster introduced herself to you. "'Sup, nerd? I'm Undyne!" She pulled you through the water towards her-- dropping Skin in the process-- and rubbed her knuckles across the top of your head, you let out a squeak of disappointment.

While Undyne was distracted, both Skin and Maroon had the time to get all the other skeletons out of the pool. After just a few seconds, she stopped. "What's your name?"

"Uh, I'm Y/N." Your stammered. "Nice to meet you, Undyne."

"So, how long have you two been datemates?" She asked, eyes focused.

You paused. You had no idea how to answer that, considering that you _weren't_. At least, you don't think so. "A few... weeks now."

"THAT'S why Sans hasn't answered my calls! Hah, I can't believe he found a datemate!" Undyne grinned. "You meet his brother yet?"

You decided that if you were going to answer one question honestly today, it'd be that one. "Yeah, I've met him. Tall, polite, loud?"

"Papyrus is the best, you know? When we were Underground, we used to train all the time. Hell, he's still one of my best friends." Undyne was still staring at you. It made you uncomfortable.

"Hey, uh, Sk-- Sans and I were going to head back to our room and..." What do couples do again? "Cuddle or something." Smooth, _real_ smooth. Undyne wouldn't guess a thing. You mentally berated yourself.

Undyne raised her hands in mock surrender. "Alright, I won't stop you from havin' fun." You took the opportunity to get out of the pool and into one of the changing rooms where you quickly became a blushing mess. You dried off your clothes and once you were certain that Undyne wasn't there you exited the changing room and walked-- more like speedwalked-- back to the room.

* * *

You opened the door, not prepared to see what you did. Skin was seated on the edge of his bed completely motionless. His lone eyelight tracked your movements. "Hey, uh, Skin... How's it going?"

Skin didn't respond. "Listen, it's okay if Undyne still makes you nervous." Where was Bones when you needed him? You didn't know anything about comforting anybody, you sat on the edge of his bed. "It's understandable, it's fine."

Skin's impossibly wide grin faltered if only for a second. You kept talking. "Would telling me about how that made you feel help?" You prayed that you said the right thing.

He didn't respond. Okay then.

"Would you like Bones to help?" You asked.

Skin took several minutes to respond. "no"

You didn't want to be rude, you just had no clue how to help anybody. "Can you believe it?"

"what?" His responses were single words, clipped and monotone. It made you somewhat uncomfortable.

"To get out of that situation, we had to lie about us dating." You would've chuckled if the situation wasn't more serious. "She believed us."

"yep." His grin was softer.

"Pretty weird stuff, right?" You looked towards him. You finally realised how you felt for this skeleton, but you didn't know a good time to tell him.

"yep." He chuckled despite looking as if he was going to cry.

"Skin, this Undyne's not yours. It's okay to be scared of her, but she's not your Undyne." You weren't expecting a response.

"yes she is. she's capable of the same things if pushed the wrong way." Skin sounded irritated. That was a bad subject to choose.

"But the important thing is, she didn't. She didn't hurt Bones, she didn't hurt you." You tried to sound as calm as you could. "She's better than your Undyne, even if they're the same."

Skin sighed. "she's still far from innocent. she might not've hurt anybody here, but she could."

You decided to change the subject, but it seems Skin did it for you. "i have... something i want to tell you." He sighed. His responses weren't one word anymore. "you're my best friend, you know? my best friend who isn't literally versions of my family."

"You're one of my best friends too." You smiled.

* * *

"you know burger joints, right? they all have different foods, and they all taste good to different people."

"Weird analogy but okay." You heard Skin snicker at that.

"i'm like the weird gas station nachos that expired six years ago but aren't mouldy enough to thrown out. everything else is better, a fresh experience that doesn't get stale." Skin tilted his head downwards. You knew he was bad at expressing how he was feeling, you were bad at comforting people. "i can't convince anybody to buy me, even when i'm half off. the other nachos're newer and always get bought because they're in the front of the pile, displayed for everybody else to see."

"the other nachos are just me but better, they're fresh, they're not mouldy, they're newer, they're great." You didn't know how to feel about what he was saying.

"Some people like expired gas station nachos." You chuckled a bit. "Everybody likes different stuff, you know? Just because you think you're weird doesn't make you any worse than the new stuff."

"sorry, i'm ramblin' again." Skin chuckled. He tilted his head away from you. "it's _nacho_ job to make sure i'm alright, you know?"

"This is getting _cheesy_, you know." You tried to lighten the mood. "I gotta admit, your jokes are pretty _gouda_, but I'm sure I can come out on top. I just _swiss_ you'd let me win this pun war."

"heh, you win. if you want to go to the pool, i'll go too--" Skin attempted to stand up, only to fall back down onto the bed. He scratched at the hole in his head. "never mind... just go without me." He groaned.

You rested a hand on the skeleton's shoulder. "You shouldn't be alone right now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skin: i'm too nervous to ask them out  
Maroon: just do it.
> 
> Suddenly, Undyne.
> 
> Undyne: Are you and the human dating?  
Skin: yeah me and them totally do the date. we've done lots of the dates.
> 
> The analogy was inspired by one on Aggre(g/v)ation
> 
> Also I have a Tumblr. It's full of headcanons that I tend to use in the story, so if you'd like a way to see why the skeletons act the way they do, you should check out [Names are Pretty Great](https://namesareprettygreat.tumblr.com/)


	14. Fun Feasts for Families

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your group enjoys a buffet, Bones physically assaults a random person, and Skin bullies a racist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not proofread, 100% improv, and probably not the best chapter this fic has.

Eventually, however, a knock on the door startled the two of you. You had tried and failed to take a nap while Skin had tried and succeeded. He scrambled out of his bed and to his feet. "who's there?" He yawned. You were a mess, leg dangling off the side of the bed while your torso and one arm was tangled in blankets.

"adore." A gruff voice on the other end, likely Maroon's, chuckled. Skin didn't respond, crimson eyelight rolled in his skull.

Skin sighed. "adore who?" 

"adore's between us, jus' open up already." Both skeletons chuckled.

Skin smiled, "alright, maroon, come on in."

Maroon opened the door, looking at the two of you. "aw, you guys got th'bad room. yours doesn't e'en 'ave mould in it."

Maroon's room had mould? You worried before Maroon grinned at you. "nah, don't worry, 's jus' a joke. jus' came 'ere ta tell ya'll that bp's servin' dinner again. all ya can eat buffet, i heard. it's jus' a few minutes from now." Maroon gestured with his hands.

An... all you can eat buffet? Holy _shit_, how did this place cost so little? Skin seemed just as excited as you were. "well what're we waitin' for?" Skin practically _dragged_ you out the door, you realised just how strong the skeleton was. Your hand barely covered the skeleton's palm. "the others know?"

Maroon had to jog to keep up with you two. "yep, told 'em."

Skin led you towards a large room you hadn't noticed, 'Dining Room' written overhead in large print, you had no idea how you could've missed it. Inside the room was a large crowd of people, both humans and monsters chatting with each other like one would their best friends. A large line had formed to what you could guessed to have been the serving area. Skin led you towards the back of the line, people who were just a few seconds behind your group letting out groans of distress. Up ahead, you could see the rest of your group. Bleak was first, and he had already completely filled his plate with a pile of macaroni and cheese-- the pile almost as tall as Bleak's head, a feat that looked as if it defied all gravitational laws.

After just a few minutes of waiting, you were already at the serving booth. Both Skin and Maroon had bribed you to let them go before you, and you could see why. Everything looked _incredible_. More mashed potatoes than you'd ever see again, tonnes of steak and other various meats, salads, seafood, and other things you couldn't name. It smelled delicious. Skin's plate looked a lot more proportioned than Bleak's, a decent amount of steak and vegetables you couldn't recognise; he was already drooling-- something you though impossible for a skeleton to do until now. Maroon's plate was a lot more... protein oriented. Scrambled eggs, steak, fried chicken, and mashed potatoes. He was grinning at his plate, eyelight dilating in hunger.

Your plate wasn't very much, you didn't know how hungry you were and you didn't want to waste food-- you knew just how the skeletons felt about it. Mashed potatoes, fried chicken, two pieces of toast and a bit of macaroni and cheese-- you wanted to try it before Bleak ate it all. You noticed the group in the corner of the room-- they stood out like a sore thumb. It seems everybody got a heap of food, unsurprisingly considering their histories. Dire had gotten a tonne of meatloaf and _did he steal a bottle of vinegar_? Dire was pouring it over his meatloaf and stuffing it into his mouth without even slicing it. He looked happy, so whatever. Dread had gotten a pile of poutine-- an item you hadn't even seen up there-- and a lot of chopped beef.

Disarray had gotten the most interesting choice and _definitely_ the least amount of food, grilled cheeses and tomato soup. He was tearing off pieces of grilled cheese and soaking them in soup, only to drink the soup with the grilled cheese in it. He had set the bowl in his lap after to catch drops of soup that fell through his jaw, and the process repeated. You were almost tempted to try it.

Hound had gotten a single slab of steak that was currently dangling from his mouth. You could see where the name came from. Scream ate his steak in a much more... basic manner, chopping it up and making little kebabs on his fork. Screech had gotten ham and enough honey packets to last someone a year, he was pouring all of the honey over his ham, only to stuff all of the ham into his mouth.

Bones had gotten the most predictable option out of everybody, and if not for the vast quantities of spaghetti piled on his plate or the way he shoveled it into his throat you could've sworn he was eating normally.

You ate your food in a very predictable manner, making some horrific sandwich from the pits of Hell. All of your components were gathered in one place, and you started eating. You ate slowly, savouring every bite of fried chicken and mashed potatoes or the occasional macaroni. It was amazing. You noticed Bones take out eleven large paper bags from seemingly nowhere, each marked with a name. Bones cleared his throat, "I'M GOING BACK FOR SECONDS. ANYBODY WANT ANY?"

Everybody at your table raised their hand except you, you were still eating your first serving and you wanted everybody else to get some first. "SAME AS LAST TIME OR SOMETHING DIFFERENT?"

Most of the skeletons shrugged, though Skin wanted to try what Bones had gotten and Dire wanted an enchilada. "OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU ALL IN JUST A FEW MINUTES."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we cannot allow you to--" A uniformed man was trying to get Bones' attention as the skeleton lumbered towards you. Bones was so tall that the person looked like a little kid standing next to an adult.

"SHUSH! FOOD IS FOOD, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE IT GOES!" Bones tossed everybody their bags, Screech had such bad reflexes that the bag hit him in the face.

"Yes, that's what you've been saying, but it's a hazard--" The person sighed, exasperated, as Bones interrupted once again.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER IT'S ON A PLATE--" Bones stamped his foot in frustration.

"Please, sir, let me explain." The person interjected, before Bones did something you never thought you'd see the skeleton do in all the time you've known him. You didn't think Bones had it in him. Bones _slapped_ someone, the clap seemed to startle everybody at your table and the people outside your group. A tooth flew from the man's face, a soft clink as it landed on the ground. The person raised a hand to his face in disbelief. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Bones raised a gloved hand to his face, chewing on the leather as tears welled in his eyesockets. "I'M... SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO... I, UH..."

Skin seemed to be there in an instant, resting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "hey there, bro. why don't you head back to your room? i'll clear this up with 'im and we'll be all good in no time." He winked. Everybody in your group seemed to pause what they were doing, eyelights focusing on the conflict. Skin rested a hand on the man's shoulder, a dangerous expression on Skin's face.

Bones took the opportunity, leaving the room crying. Skin sighed, raising a phalange to his nose-hole, similar to how a human might raise pinch the bridge of their nose in irritation. "alright, _mate_. i understand how it is, you know? you gotta keep up with standards, but, uh... Where does it say that you can't put food in bags?"

The man paused. "It, uh, says it... page 408..." Skin tilted his head.

"cool. hey, uh, dire? can i borrow your food safety manual?" Dire nodded in response, sliding something across the table. Did Dire _always_ have a food safety manual on him? Why? How?

Skin flipped through the pages, squinting and bringing the book towards his face. "funny. not finding anything about bagging your meals. want to check it?"

The man was sweating furiously now. "Let me see it." Skin shrugged, handing it to him. "See, it's right here!" The man pointed towards something you couldn't see, and Skin looked it over.

"what, you think i can't read? that's about proper handwashing protocol." Skin chuckled. "seems to me you're just... what're you tryin' to do?"

"Listen, sir, we have the right to refuse service to anybody." The man scratched at his head.

Skin's eyelight enlarged. "oh, you're pullin' that on us? this is a _monster owned_ business. i wonder how rectangle'll feel about you, denyin' service to a couple of monsters." Skin grinned. "rectangle's a narc, sure, but he's not very fond of _monster haters_."

The man sighed. "Fine. You can stay here, but I swear that if _one _thing happens..." He snarled, storming off.

"damn bigots. it's been sixteen years." Skin glowered. "we're just the same as any of 'em and we're still thrown under the bus."

You were angry after that incident. Monsters deserved the same rights as humans, humans weren't the ones trapped under a mountain for thousands of years. "I know, right? There's no excuse for these... these... these racists!"

"ya know what, i ain't e'en in th'mood to--" Maroon started, before opening up his bag. "ooh, meatloaf! never mind." He chuckled, starting to eat.

"NOW I'M IN A-A BAD MOOD." Bleak stood up. "I'LL HEAD BACK TO MY ROOM A-AND TRY TO HELP MY FRIEND." He headed out, and your group was drenched in awkward silence.

"So, what are some things you've always wanted to do?" You asked, trying to break the tension.

Dire spoke first. "I'D LOVE TO START A RESTAURANT. I'VE THOUGHT OF A NAME FOR IT ALREADY: CLASSIC CUISINE." He chuckled.

Disarray smiled. "LOVE TO GO SKYDIVING."

Maroon tilted his head downwards, crumbs of food still around his mouth. "i'd really love ta walk around without people breathin' down our necks." Maroon's head snapped upwards, glaring down someone you couldn't quite see. "ya hear that, ya bastard? stop fuckin' eavesdroppin'!"

Skin smiled. "love to get a lemonade stand." That wasn't much an ambition, but it was something from Skin so you couldn't be disappointed.

Scream glared at Hound before turning his attention back to you. "b-bones said he'd like a restaurant one day, too. i'd probably end up workin with 'im."

Dread smiled. "BONES' THEORETICAL RESTAURANT SOUNDS GOOD."

"YOU IDIOTS! WHY AREN'T YOU JOINING THE SUPERIOR THEORETICAL RESTAURANT?! BONES DOESN'T KNOW PROPER BUSINESS MANAGEMENT SKILLS!"

"and you do?" Skin sent a suspicious look towards Dire.

"WELL, I'D JOIN DIRE'S PLACE." Disarray chuckled.

Maroon raised a phalange. "same 'ere."

"Well, now that we know that about ourselves, what are we doing next? We aren't going to let one racist define our whole trip, are we?" You clapped your hands together.

You received different responses from each skeleton. Some wanted to go to the pool, some wanted thirds, some wanted to sleep; you chose to head back to your room and get some well-needed rest. You haven't been sleeping much lately, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both Bones and Dire want a restaurant? Interesting, interesting.


	15. Never have They Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your group plays some games and skeletons drink far more than they should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, whole bunch of stuff's been going on so I've just been working on publishing old drafts from god-knows-when. Shorter chapter, not proofread, contains suggestive themes. Might have to up the rating later.

It had been a difficult attempt to get the skeletons to cheer up after the rude interruption at dinner, and so you had suggested a game of 'Never Have I Ever.' You were definitely starting to feel the effects of the alcohol as Bleak began his turn. "NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN ON A DATE."

Dammit. You took a drink. Was it always this strong? You blinked in surprise. The only other skeleton to take a drink was Disarray. Bleak nudged your shoulder. "Never have I ever shoplifted." You mumbled, voice slurring. It was surprising that the skeletons wanted to play this game, even more so that they wanted to play the game in the room you shared with Skin. Currently, pretty much _everybody_ was at least a little tipsy.

Dire growled, taking another drink. Bones did the same, but no other skeleton did. That didn't surprise you, you knew these folks had a background.

Maroon grinned, lone eyelight dilating, focused solely on you. Maroon was very clearly off his trolley; he was practically falling over every time he moved. "never 'ave i ever watched you sleep." He chuckled.

Wait, what? What was that supposed to mean? Nevertheless, you took a shot. You couldn't watch yourself sleep, and you were surprised by the sheer number of skeletons who followed suit-- only Bleak and Dire didn't. Were... your friends that creepy or were they counting the times you passed out? "BROTHER!" Dire protested, glaring at the other, who raised his hands in mock surrender only to quite literally fall over backwards, snoring rather loudly. It nearly made you laugh at the display if not for the way Maroon had spoken.

"NEVER HAVE I EVER CRIED DURING A DISNEY MOVIE." Dire growled. You took a drink. Surprisingly, several skeletons including Skin, Bones, Bleak, and Dread did the same.

"oh stars... i can feel it." Skin grumbled. "never have i ever... chugged a beer in under ten seconds." He chuckled. Hound, Scream, and Dread took drinks. Skin chuckled. "prove it."

You definitely weren't expecting them to _actually_ be able to prove it. Hound gave drinks to all three of the skeletons, and with a simple "bottoms up," declaration, all three of them downed their beers. Skin only blinked in surprise before he started laughing. Scream stood up, shaking, and stumbled out of the room towards the bathroom. His retching and gagging could be heard throughout the room. The game continued. Questions got more suggestive, some got deep, some were bloody hilarious, but after a few more rounds you noticed that there were only a few skeletons that were still conscious or participating.

Only Bones, Disarray, Bleak, Dread and you were playing the game and you were certain you wouldn't last more than a few more shots. "NEVER HAVE I EVER GOTTEN MY BROTHER TO PICK UP HIS SOCKS." Bones was certainly the most sober out of your group. Considering how much he had drank, you had no clue how he was able to speak coherently.

Only Disarray took a drink. You wondered what was with him and his brother, Hound seemed somewhat _scared_ of Disarray, always flinching at his voice or looking at the ground when the other was nearby. "Never have I--" You hiccuped, "--ever dated more than one person at the same time."

Nobody drank, so you took a drink of your own. You could barely even think at this point. "NEVER HAVE I EVER LOST A GAME OF GOLF." You didn't take Dread to be the golfing type, but you've learned a lot about your friends today. Everybody else took a drink. By now, you were certain you had drank _far _too much, and as you fell over you could hear the other skeletons continuing the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skeletons are opening up, and all it took was a lot of alcohol.


	16. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you try and get your point across.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot planned chapter, basically a half-conclusion to the previous chapter.

You definitely had a hangover, your head was pounding as you tried to recall the events of the night prior. You had woken up to the sound of Skin's snoring, he was balanced precariously on his bed, most of his body wasn't on the bed. You looked outside, surprised to see just how bright it was outside, wincing as your eyes had to adjust.

You were already dressed from the night before, so you decided to skip changing clothes. Sure, your clothes were wrinkled but they didn't smell bad so you called it good. Skin had woken up and groaned as the light came in through the window. "why does it have to be this bright?" He grumbled, rolling over and pulling a pillow over his skull.

"You sleep good?"

Skin chuckled. "like a rock. i never took sleeping for granite but i'm getting boulder."

"Geology puns? Really?"

Skin only grinned, rolling back over to face you. "my sediments exactly." Skin reached over his bed, dragging something from under it. A bottle of ketchup. He drank it, making you gag. "what? you know i love you from my head tomatoes."

That one made you laugh, but after a minute, you decided that now would be the time to tell him how you felt. "Skin, I have something to tell you. I don't know how to put it, but I..."

Skin blinked in realisation, before looking at his arm as if to check a watch despite the fact that he didn't have one. "it's almost breakfast, right? i'm hungry, let's go." The skeleton urged. Did he know what you were going to say? You grumbled in frustration as Skin grabbed your arm and practically dragged you with him. It was astounding how much stronger he was than you.

"What time even is breakfast here?" You inquired.

The other shrugged, "eh, don't know. better early than late." That was true.

"I--" You began before a pair of hands lifted you up.

"HELLO, HUMAN FRIEND! ARE YOU EXCITED FOR BREAKFAST?" Bones' loud voice made your ears ring. You were getting tired of your attempts to say how you felt getting interrupted by rather inconvenient events.

It was hard to be mad when Bones was around. You smiled as Bones set you down, "Definitely."

Barely anybody was out in the main lobby and pool area this early in the morning, Scream was sleeping on a flotation device in the pool. Your group headed towards the cafeteria, certain that everybody else would be there soon. You had time to confess to Skin if nothing else went wrong. Your group sat down at the far end, Bones was taller than the table was long.

"Hey, Skin? Now that we're here, I have something important that I really need to tell you." You paused, half expecting an interruption. When there wasn't, you cleared your throat. Skin looked _really_ nervous and Bones was spacing out. "I--"

"OH, HUMAN! I JUST FORGOT SOMETHING!" You exhaled. "I'M PLANNING ON CONVINCING THE ORIGINAL TO LET US GET OUR INJURIES FIXED! I ALREADY HAVE A MASTER PLAN!" You were happy for the skeletons, your mood had shifted from mild irritation to excitement.

"Bones, that's wonderful! But... why wouldn't the 'original' want you to get better?" You raised a brow.

Bones looked downwards, resting a gloved hand on his lower jaw. "WE LOOK TO SIMILAR TO SANS AND THE OTHERS FOR IT TO BE EXPLAINABLE WITHOUT EXPOSING THE SUPER SECRET SKELETAL SHENANIGANS." You had never seen what Sans looked like compared to Skin, but if it was anything like Red and Maroon's similarities you could see why that could be an issue.

"The 'original' sounds like an asshole. If he's denying you basic qualities of life because of a secret and not even doing his own dirty work then he's a real arse." You hissed.

Bones raised a finger to his teeth. "SHUSH. HE'S JUST A YOUNGER SKIN AND I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING BAD ABOUT HIM. BESIDES, IF YOU TWO PLAN ON DATING, BEING RUDE TO YOUR PARTNER IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO GO."

You raised a brow. "You know about that?"

Bones laughed. "OH PLEASE! BOTH OF YOU ARE OBVIOUS!"

You had thought that Skin would've said something, but judging from the snoring from the other direction, the skeleton was likely asleep. "Alright, alright. So, about the whole 'getting healed' thing, I'm really excited for all of you! How long do you think it's going to take for that to happen?" You inquired.

Bones frowned. "THAT'S THE PART I'M UNSURE OF. I'M HOPING SOME TIME THIS YEAR, BUT IT MIGHT TAKE A BIT LONGER?"

A _year_ until these skeletons would have their injuries healed? How long were they in the woods before now? "I hope you all feel better beforehand." Was all you said.

"I HOPE SO AS WELL!" Bones seemed a tad awkward, a single bead of sweat on his browbone. "I HEARD THAT METTATON WOULD BE HERE TODAY! SKIN, WAKE UP! I DON'T WANT YOU TO MISS METTATON'S SHOW BECAUSE YOU'RE NAPPING!" The skeleton yelled.

"sure, paps." Skin mumbled, scratching at the hole in his head. "i for one am excited to get all this fixed. 'm sure the others agree."


	17. An Original Oligarchy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you get separated from your group.

"How much of the conversation did you hear?" You were absolutely mortified. Sure, you were going to tell him, but at the very least you wanted it to be on your terms.

Bones nudged you, but Skin only shrugged. "not much."

You nodded, a tad bit skeptical. The short skeleton chuckled, "i think breakfast is ready." Skin gestured to the countertop on the other side of the room. "and we're the first in line."

All of the other skeletons joined very shortly after Skin had announced it. The buffet was mouthwatering, just like before. An all-you-can-eat breakfast of everything you could've possibly imagined. You only wanted a small breakfast, just some eggs and potatoes would do you fine. The other skeletons had different ideas, Bleak had gotten so many potatoes that the plate was practically caving in on itself. Dread had gotten literally all of the things, and the other skeletons followed suit. Somehow, in a feat that defied all logic, Disarray had managed to stir his eggs, toast, and potatoes into a slurry in a bowl. Bones had gotten spaghetti-- an item that you could've sworn wasn't on the list and Skin got a decently balanced meal of eggs, potatoes, bacon, and toast.

Breakfast was relatively uneventful. "so, what're we going to do today?" Skin broke the tension. "heard somethin' about mettaton?"

"METTATON?!" The group shouted, a disjointed chorus of ear-bleeding voices. Dire was the first to speak. "I'VE NOT SEEN METTATON IN ALMOST THIRTY YEARS. IT'S KIND OF... A BIG DEAL FOR US ALL."

Bleak frowned, Dread and Disarray returned the gesture. "REALLY? NAPSTABOT WASN'T THAT OLD!" Dread snickered. "MAYBE YOUR BRAIN'S GETTING MESSED UP IN YOUR AGE."

You've heard of Mettaton, but never had you heard of a Napstabot. "SILENCE, YOU IDIOT! METTATON'S ABOUT TO GO ONSTAGE!" Dire gestured towards a stage on the far wall.

* * *

"Welcome, beauties and gentlebeauties to a show like you've never seen before!" A stereotypically mechanical voice spoke. You rolled your eyes as the rectangular box of a creature wheeled itself onstage. "And what a lovely audience here today!"

The audience applauded, you didn't, only raising an eyebrow. Mettaton posed dramatically, causing even more applause from the audience. Were people this easily amused? "Welcome to the first annual MTT Sand Palace (TM) Comedy Morning! Can I get one of you amazing folks up here to tell some jokes?" Several audience members raised their arms or other extremities. After a moment, Mettaton called a green saucer-shaped monster.

"ugh, jerry." Maroon grumbled. You didn't know anybody named Jerry, but this monster looked absolutely repulsive. It was clear by the audience's reactions that you were not alone in your thinking.

"Give it up for Jerry!" Even the ever enthusiastic Mettaton had a strained tone to his voice.

"Does this place have Wi-Fi?" The monster even sounded disgusting, as if he had phlegm stuck in his throat. The reptilian monster started making absolutely _terrible_ jokes, not even anybody in your group laughed, and after just a few minutes Mettaton rested a gloved hand on the other's shoulder.

"...And that was Jerry!" Mettaton announced. "Can I get another volunteer? You, guy in the back." Mettaton pointed at Maroon, the other completely surprised. Maroon hadn't even raised a hand to join in, much less actually try to get the other's attention. "Come on up, don't be shy! This isn't recorded!" The robot laughed.

"What's your name?" Mettaton asked the skeleton, the golden-toothed monster was very clearly nervous, so many eyes on him at once.

"uh... i'm..." Maroon was very clearly trying to lie. "i'm garamond, an' unlike th' last guy i've got a few killer jokes. don't git me wrong, jerry's... jerry, but he's just not my _type_."

A good bit of laughter, some groans from your group but that was to be expected. "i'd make 'nother font joke, but i just ain't _bold_ enough. it's goin' _tibia_ fine, i just gotta stop _skull_-king around."

After just a few more puns, Maroon turned to get off the stage, but Mettaton stopped the other. "Garamond, was it? Give it up for Garamond!" As the applause became almost deafening, Mettaton whispered something to Maroon. You couldn't hear it, but Maroon had paused, wide-eyed. The skeleton could hardly teleport fast enough back to the table.

"What did Mettaton _say_?" You hissed. Maroon was still wide-eyed in shock, fidgeting with his hat. He scratched at his empty eyesocket.

"tell ya later." The skeleton grumbled, sliding lower into his seat.

Mettaton repeated the process another few times before talking about some future events at the place, you weren't paying attention. Eventually, however, it ended and people started to head back to the pool area. "we're leavin'." Maroon hissed. "mettaton's suspectin' something."

Skin and the other shared a silent conversation that you couldn't quite recognise. "alright, folks, let's pack up."

* * *

The skeletons all rushed to their rooms to pack, but you decided to hang out at the pool area for a bit. The lazy river was relaxing, calming. You must've fallen asleep, you woke hours later to the sunset's tangerine rays in your eyes. You scrambled out of the pool, you were praying that the skeletons hadn't left yet, and as you scanned the area you saw your group. You nearly cried out in relief, instead you walked over to your group.

"Skin! Holy shit, I thought you guys left!" You exclaimed. Skin turned to you, and you noticed something. Something that made your blood run cold.

That wasn't Skin. That wasn't _anybody_ in your group. He had two white eyelights as opposed to the lone crimson sphere, jacket was a far more vibrant blue, a lazy grin was plastered on his face and he had no gaping hole in his skull. This wasn't Skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you're five and get lost in the supermarket, only to call a stranger 'mom.'


	18. Meeting Their Matches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the original is awkward and everybody else is too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not proofread, kind of rushed.

The skeleton didn't react. "You... aren't Skin, are you?" You noticed a shorter Bones next to him, and as he turned you could see just how different he really was. Perfect teeth, large eyesockets and very little stress in his inspection. Hell, even the guy that looked like Dire was softer, though he still looked relatively tough. "Who are you?"

Not-Skin chuckled, extending a hand towards you. "the name's sans; sans the skeleton."

You hesitantly shook his hand. From the time you've spent with your friends, you knew damn well the whoopie cushion in the hand trick. You heard a familiar sound and snorted. "the whoopie cushion in the hand trick, it's always funny."

You could _see _the resemblance that every skeleton in that group had to your friends, but you noticed that no Disarray, Dread, Hound nor any Scream lookalikes were in the crowd; you had to wonder where they were. A memory flashed into your brain, '_our world-- our universe-- was being pulled even closer to the original's._' Were these the originals? They certainly looked about what you had expected from Skin's rambling. "paps, do you want to go on and check out the pool area? be with you soon." Sans winked. "i think something's made waves here. something besides the water, anyhow."

Not-Bones smiled. "HELLO, HUMAN! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND THESE ARE MY COUSINS!" You'd already heard the 'cousins' fib before, but you weren't going to tell him that. A much larger version of Bleak sat upon Papyrus' shoulders, he waved at you as Papyrus sprinted and dove into the pool with a splash. The rest of the group followed suit, with an exception of the Maroon-esque skeleton-- Red, you reminded yourself-- along with Sans, and not-Screech. The not-Screech looked far different from the other, still wearing an orange hoodie and olive shorts but with a much less... stressed grin than your friend had. Softer eyesockets without eyelights practically bore a hole into your very SOUL. Combined with the lack of a head wound, you felt somewhat angry at yourself for mistaking these skeletons.

* * *

"ya know axe and th' others?" Red raised a brow. The skeleton looked roughed-up, cracks and scars on both skull and hand. Two red eyelights were placed in the skeleton's sockets, but they were a hell of a lot smaller than what you were used to. Out of all of this group, he and the not-Dire looked tough. Red was a large skeleton up close, you couldn't help feeling intimidated. Sans shot the other a look. "if ya mistook sans fer him, that'd mean he was..." Red paused. You gulped.

"eh, that doesn't matter." The not-Screech interrupted. "did they... try anything?"

You fought back the urge to slap the other for what he was implying. You knew about your friends' histories and you felt offended that someone would even suggest that they'd continue the diet that they had needed to survive. "_Excuse_ me?" You glared, not-Screech putting his hands up in defense. "Did you just say what I thought you said?"

"sorry, i wasn't thinking, i--" You cut him off.

"Yeah, you weren't!" You hissed, but your anger fizzled out shortly after. You couldn't get mad at a younger version of your friend, and even though you certainly had a bone to pick with this skeleton you weren't going to stay angry for long. "Uh, sorry, I..."

"no, no, it's my fault." Not-Screech was just as awkward, it seemed.

You chuckled a bit, before Red cleared his throat. "ya two dorks done yet? i wanna go hit th' pool but i can't until we're done 'ere." He smirked.

Sans sighed. "i'm sorry about that. we're a bit cautious, as you might know." He seemed a tad bit awkward too, he wasn't at all like what you were expecting. You had been expecting someone just as intimidating as Skin, someone that commanded authority. Instead, the original was just a shorter and more laidback version of the other.

"so we done?" Red tapped his foot impatiently, glancing back at the water every now and then. "i ain't gittin' my vacation ruined because some human got lost in th' woods an' stumbled on th' cabin." Rude. You didn't get lost, you were completely sure of where you were going! To be fair, you _were_ disrespectful first.

"speaking of... how'd you find them?" Sans raised a brow.

You paused. "My apartment got a bit too cold, went to my winter place and found it occupied." You saw Sans' grin twitch upwards.

"i guess you could say you were _chilled to the bone_?" Sans winked. You could _feel_ the skeletons in the pool's outrage at the pun, but it was quite expected. You completely walked into that one. "don't look so blue, kid, your face'll _freeze_ that way. alright, next question: did they ever tell you about a machine or things that sounded like the plot of a sci-fi novel?"

"Yeah." Sans' eyelights vanished, if only for a minute. "Timelines and stuff? I didn't understand a lot of it but Skin and the others were obviously telling the truth."

Red grumbled and not-Screech-- you still didn't catch his name-- frowned. This time, not-Screech spoke, "skin? that's what he goes by now?"

"It's a hell of a lot better than Axe! If that's his nickname, what about Bones?'" You huffed. You didn't get a response, and you knew Bones likely had a name based around the state of his teeth. Probably something like Teeth or Crooks. "Or anybody else's? Never mind, never mind. But there's something that Dire told me way back, something about you not letting them leave the woods! Why is that? Because you _look _similar? Half of them are in constant pain because of the state of their teeth and the other half have such a massive hole in their head that they're unable to remember almost anything."

"come on, buddy, it's not like that, they just look too similar and we can't risk it." Sans was sweating, and you felt a tad bit of remorse. "you understand, we can't risk anybody finding out!"

"Well then, Sans, if you don't want people finding out, howabout you let them leave the woods every once in a while to get a spare change of clothes? Why not let them leave every once in a while so that their injuries actually heal?" A few glances were sent your way from strangers, but you didn't care. "They're _you_, Sans, they're you and Papyrus! You call yourself a leader and you won't even let them leave to go to Grillby's? They'll do it anyways, regardless of whether or not you let them." You hissed.

"i-i..." Sans tried to defend himself, but he sighed. "kid, they may be us, but they're a liability to the success of the project and to be blunt, they're probably the reason why we haven't had any progress in _months_. it's not like they want--" It was then that both you and Sans noticed just how many people were watching, but one in particular caught your eye.

* * *

It was Skin. The _real_ Skin, if the crack in his skull was anything to go off of. His grin had completely fell, a scowl replacing it; his lone eyelight was gone and he looked as if he had seen a ghost. "I've... got to go." You rushed off towards Skin.

"Where were you?" You whispered, Skin blinked in surprise.

The skeleton looked downwards. "forgot."

You laughed, raising a hand to your chest in mock distress, "I'm offended."

Skin chuckled. "what was sans doing here with stretch and red? was the whole group?"

Was that the other's name? Stretch sounded quite a bit like Screech, so you would assume it only natural. "Apparently they're going on vacation."

"what a coincidence." Skin hissed. "let's go back. i know a shortcut."

A shortcut? You've never seen Skin take shortcuts and hardly even knew what it meant, but the second Skin gripped your arm the world quite literally crumbled away. You saw figures, some you recognised as your friends-- both human and skeletal-- and some you had no idea of. One you immediately recognised as Body and others that looked similar. Some looked like versions of your friends, some looked completely unidentifiable and some had no form. You saw everything and yet nothing. As if fragments of another time, another place. A whispering in your ear, a chorus of voices telling you mysterious riddles you didn't understand. It felt like an eternity, you didn't know if you were even holding onto Skin's arm anymore as the space around you became but a tunnel of lights and voices and shapes that you didn't know. Eventually, however, the tunnel ended and you were brought back into reality.

You were back in the cabin, your friends were there and you were safe.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you and some skeletons commit a misdemeanour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tad more rushed than usual and definitely behind schedule.

It was a good few minutes before anybody said anything. To your surprise, Hound spoke first. "well, that vacation was a bust."

Was it? You knew that these skeletons rarely left the woods, them being able to go out of the confines of this place would be a good thing-- even if they had to deal with racists and the occasional celebrity. You don't know how all of them felt about it, but a few of them probably had some amount of fun. "How did you all feel about the place?"

While Hound, Maroon, Skin and Dire clearly had some amount of distaste for the event if their frowns and Dire's overdramatic gagging was anything to go off of, the rest of them gave at worst neutral answers. "IT WAS INCREDIBLE! THE FOOD, THE POOL, THE ROOMS! METTATON WAS AMAZING AS ALWAYS!" Bones enthused, plenty of the more energetic skeletons agreed, voices talking over each other about just how amazing it was.

Bleak's eyesockets widened. "HAVE YOU S-SEEN NAPSTABOT YET? HE'S EVEN BETTER!" You shook your head, you had never heard of a Napstabot. Dread nodded in response, rushing to some room and dragging out a very old and very worn television set.

"oh good. the oval." Screech sighed, Scream shared a similar sentiment while Hound only scratched at his head. You raised a brow.

"What's Napstabot like?"

"eh... dj stereotype mettaton." Screech replied. You snorted, you had to see this.

"HE IS NOT! HE IS THE BEST METTATON OF ALL! ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE ISN'T!" Disarray shouted. Oh great, more fighting.

You smiled, "Well, I'll just have to see!"

Bleak pulled a small cassette tape from under the couch. Both Disarray and Dread repeated the motion. There were far more than three cassettes, far more than three disks, but Disarray only had one. It intrigued you, especially considering that the skeleton did not know what it was of.

* * *

And so the binge began. It had been hours now, and your eyes began to sting from the light. Screech's description was accurate, though instead of acting it was more... music coupled with dramatic posing. Bleak's cassette featured a very oval, bluish-grey robot, a grid-like screen similar to Mettaton placed just above the midpoint. Several dials were placed slightly below. As opposed to Mettaton's arms, this robot's gloved hands were floating. A turntable was attached to Napstabot's midsection, though the robot wasn't actually playing it. You had pointed it out, but Bleak shrugged you off.

Dread's first cassette featured a Napstabot far more purple. He still had an oval body, but his screen was cracked and the music he was playing made you snort because of how 'spooky' it was. It was still decent music, but it sounded more like he was trying his damndest to appeal to an 'edgy teen' audience. He also lacked arms, but his four gloves held chainsaws that he was _juggling_ as he played the music. Eventually, an audience member was called up on stage, and you could only guess what happened as whoever was picked screamed and the audience cheered-- the screaming abruptly cut and so did the recording.

Disarray's expression of discomfort grew ever more obvious as more skeletons looked at him expectantly. Eventually, he screeched and threw the object out the window before sprinting upstairs. You raised a brow, the group sat in silence until Hound stood up and approached the stairs. You followed suit, you wanted to be there for him. By the time you got upstairs and to Disarray's room, you saw him crying. It was a thing you've never seen before, him crying. Hound was sat on the edge of the bed, a hand rested on the other's shoulder. For a moment, the taller's lone eyelight stared you down before he relaxed. The skeleton was slouched, looking at the shorter with an expression of distress and exhaustion.

Disarray choked out a sob before quickly being replaced with a snarl of anger. "I--"

"i know, m'lord. you don't need to say anything." Hound mumbled.

The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes. You felt a tad bit creepy, watching your friends; you didn't know if Disarray even wanted you to comfort him and asking now would be too much explaining. Bad move on your part, though you knew that Hound saw you. "do you want to go vandalise the original's cabin again?"

Disarray tilted his head before nodding, "YES. THAT WOULD BE... ADEQUATE."

Hound raised a hand towards you, "you want to go, too?" The smaller noticeably tensed.

"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING? WAS SOMEBODY WATCHING THE WHOLE TIME?" Disarray hissed.

"nah, the kid just got up here." Hound lied through his teeth.

* * *

That was a few hours ago. In that time, Hound had managed to convince Screech and Dire to join. Dire, being by far the strongest and most able out of every skeleton was tasked with carrying what you could only describe as a lifetime supply of bath tissue and spraypaint. Bleak was the only skeleton to actually ask where you all were going this late in the day, but Screech was in charge of making up any excuses and quickly replied something about marking the boundaries of every cabin's territory.

Now you were walking in the woods in the pitch black darkness, admiring your group's handiwork through the dim flashlights Disarray had provided. Truthfully, you had never seen the large cabin that the other skeletons in the woods lived in. Large was no understatement, it was three stories tall with large windows that certainly made it feel a hell of a lot larger than it was. It was practically a mansion compared to the winter home that barely managed to fit eleven people. Now, however, the windows were spraypainted with a rainbow of colour-- the smell alone made you physically nauseous. The cabin was covered in rolls of bath tissue that was being soaked in the rain. Hound was the only one between him and Screech that had the energy to use shortcuts at the time, so he was in charge of covering both the inside and outside with the paper.

It was a masterpiece, one that made you feel nostalgic for old days. When you and your friends would 'decorate' houses after Halloween, usually the house of one specific grumpy old man. The thought made you chuckle, that old man was a lot like the skeletons. Old, weary, but still lively and humourous; full of crazy schemes and antics. It was funny how similar he was. But that was besides the point, what mattered now was that you and your group had gotten away with the prank.

Hound was the first to speak. "we did good."

Dire only scoffed, "IS THIS A REGULAR OCCURANCE FOR YOU TWO?"

"YES." Disarray nodded. "WE DID BETTER THAN USUAL."

Screech's eyesockets widened, his lone eyelight literally sparkling with excitement. "usual? both amazed and terrified."

Hound chuckled, "you should be. c'mon, m'lord, it's past bedtime."

"I AM THIRTY-FOUR YEARS OLD. I DO NOT HAVE A BEDTIME. I SLEEP WHEN I WANT." Disarray hissed, though his voice held no malice. Nevertheless, Hound picked Disarray up and slung the smaller over his shoulder, much to Disarray's irritation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disarray: I AM TRULY SAD. THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN. I HAVE RESIGNED TO MY FATE AS SAD.  
Hound: do you want to go vandalise some property?  
Disarray: YES PLEASE.


	20. Patrick's Day Potluck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Saint Patrick's Day exists

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy the chapter's only a couple days late. Good enough for me.
> 
> Not proofread.

The second you made your way downstairs you noticed just how different things were. For starters, _everybody_ was wearing green. Sure, Screech actually looked kind of decent in olive colouring and Bones' glowing florescent shirt was... interesting to say the least; it didn't dawn on you until you felt someone pinch your side. Of course, it was Maroon. The skeleton didn't seem to be dressed any differently until you saw his shoes, sloppily painted chartreuse. You clutched his hand and pulled it away from you. Realisation hit you like a truck in a hurricane. "Is it..."

The skeleton only nodded, "yep. saint patrick's. good as any excuse ta drink, if ya git what i'm sayin'."

"Do you all take this seriously?" You raised a brow, only for Hound to answer.

"yep. where we're from, it's a serious matter. sorta like gyftmas." The skeleton scratched at his head wound.

You faintly remembered Gyftmas. A tradition that stuck around, one where monsters swapped gifts. A way of showing appreciation for those you loved, but you guessed that for some of the skeletons it wasn't the case. Saint Patrick's Day was bound to have similar tradition, but you never knew of any monster tradition of it. "What do you all do on St. Patrick's?"

"eh, we do th' basics. some slaughter, some drinking, and end th' day with a good ol' sacrifice." Maroon chuckled, "same as what ya humans did where i'm from."

You gasped, you had known a bit of what Maroon, Dread, and Disarray's worlds were like but had assumed only the monsters to be darker. Maroon only grinned, gold tooth flashing. "That's _horrible_! I mean, not the drinking-- everybody does today-- but the murder and stuff?! Did all of you do that?"

"NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT!" Bones looked rather panicked, "HIS WORLD WAS UNDERGROUND FAR LONGER THAN ANY OF US, THEY LEARNED ABOUT THE HOLIDAY AND THEIR HUMANS'... LESS CHARMING TRADITIONS FROM THE DUMP!"

"yep. we're more casual about the holiday. just don't wanna get pinched, and the drinking's a plus." Skin nodded, he had a small piece of mint green fabric taped to his jacket. "now, if that's all, bleak said the originals'll be hosting a potluck at their place. we're invited." The skeleton mumbled something else, but you didn't hear.

Hound's face paled-- if that was even possible for a skeleton. Even Disarray looked panicked, but Scream seemed to be enjoying Hound's discomfort. You were a tad bit worried, but you wanted to see the others again. "When's that going to be?"

"eh, no clue." Screech was the only one from last night that didn't seem the least bit uncomfortable. "and of course, we've gotta bring something."

"WHY? THE ORIGINALS DISLIKE US EVEN MORE THAN THE FREAKS, WE SHOULDN'T BE OBLIGATED TO BRING SOMETHING!" Disarray hissed. Bleak wrapped an arm around the skeleton.

"COME ON, DON'T BE LIKE THAT. THIS IS O-OUR CHANCE TO PROVE TO THE ORIGINALS THAT WE APPRECIATE THEM!" The short skeleton enthused, "AND WE KNOW THAT AMALGAM'S PLACE WON'T BRING ANYTHING, THIS IS OUR ONLY CHANCE FOR THEM TO TREAT US BETTER!" You only watched as the skeletons argued, you didn't have context to make a judgment and the argument quickly got heated. Disarray and Dire were screaming in each other's faces, Bones and Bleak were trying to calm them all down and Dread was already starting to cook something.

"DON'T FIGHT! NOT IN THE HOUSE!" Bones shouted, "WE'RE MAKING SOMETHING AND THAT'S FINAL!" You had never heard Bones be so authoritative, "IN FACT, DREAD'S ALREADY MAKING SOMETHING RIGHT NOW."

Dire opened his mouth to say something, but Bones stopped him. "WHO WANTS TO MAKE WHAT?"

A flurry of answers escaped half of the skeletons' mouths, and while you didn't catch anything, Bones quickly jotted down everything. "ALRIGHT. SO WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COMBINE LASAGNE AND SPAGHETTI. TACOS AND BURRITOS WILL ALSO BE; WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO MAKE EVERYTHING AND ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY. GRILLED CHEESE IS FINE ON ITS OWN. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DREAD, DON'T USE ALL OF THE CHEDDAR." Dread gave a shout of agreement from the kitchen while the other skeletons nodded. "ARE THE REST OF YOU NOT GOING TO MAKE _ANYTHING_?"

"you know us, bones, we can't cook fer shit. we'll jus' bring th' booze." Maroon sighed, "think it's about time ta show th' kid?" You raised a brow, you had no clue what he was talking about.

"no, don't know if they react well. don't want another you." Screech shook his head.

Maroon pouted, "it was one time, aight?"

"twenty-four, if you're counting a few weeks ago." Skin chuckled. "don't worry, one day we'll show you. it'll be hilarious."

* * *

Watching the skeletons cook was truly a sight to behold. Bones was moving at an almost inhuman speed as he threw ingredients into a pan. Bleak was scurrying about, fetching ingredients from the fridge and bringing them to Dread. Dire was much calmer, stirring something in a pot as he worked on the pasta. Disarray was finished with what he had made, dipping one of several grilled cheeses from a massive bowl in water until it was soft enough for him to chew. You had offered to help out, but all of the skeletons denied your offer.

So now you were just hanging out with the other, more relaxed skeletons. It was relatively uneventful, Maroon making the occasional flirtatious remark towards you and Hound swatting at him. Skin, Screech and Scream were even more laidback, only making small talk about the weather. But after a while, everybody was finished. Skin clapped his hands, "alright, folks, ready to head to the original's cabin?"

"I DOUBT ANYBODY COULD EVER BE PREPARED FOR THIS." Dire grumbled, several other skeletons giving their thoughts-- most of which were grunts of irritation, but some of them were excited about it-- and Skin sighed.

"look, guys, i don't want to have to go to this shitshow either. if we're lucky, it's going to turn out like last year and we're going back to our place only slightly more unhappy than usual." This happened last year, too? You really needed more context. Bones poured whatever pasta he and Dire had made into the most Tupperware you had ever seen before putting the containers in a plastic bag. Dread had wrapped so many burritos-- that or tacos, you weren't sure-- that you had no clue how much aluminium foil was used. Nevertheless, the skeleton dumped the food in the bag before Disarray did the same. Without further hesitation, your group started to head out.

There were still fresh prints in the mud from last night. Only Maroon seemed to notice, raising a brow but not further commenting as your group walked down the trail. You nearly broke out laughing when you saw the state of the other cabin, bath tissue soaked to the walls and roof from the previous night's rain. A tall skeleton that reminded you of Dire approached your group, he had a look of irritation on his face.

"HELLO, AXE." His sentences were clipped. "IT SEEMS YOU BROUGHT EVERYBODY WITH YOU."

"yes. i did, if that's nothing to you. and for your information, it's _skin_ now." Skin snarled in response, the not-Dire's expression hardened.

"OH, AND DID YOU GET BLOOD'S NAME CHANGED, TOO? WHAT, IS HE... MAROON NOW?" Not-Dire still kept the other's general assholery, a right shame. He seemed to notice you. "AND A HUMAN? I KNOW YOU BRUTES STILL EAT HUMANS, BUT BRINGING ONE TO THE POTLUCK--" A sharp bone attack nearly impaled the skeleton. Dozens of sharp, twisted and gnarled bones rose out of the ground, the other stepped back.

"**shut it, edge.**" Maroon growled, you had never seen him so angry. Red smoke was pouring from his eyesocket as he glared down the other. Apparently, Edge hadn't seen Maroon like this either. "we ain't brutes. we ain't human-eaters. now if ya can kindly 'scuse us, we're setting up fer th' potluck. this kid's a guest, not a main course."

Edge did not respond, only stepping to the side as the skeletons moved past. Maroon sighed, scratching at the hole in his head. There was a table set up outside, one of those plastic foldable ones that you had no clue how to fold. Bones set the bag on the table, already sorting the wrapped tortilla-based foods that you _still_ couldn't identify, unwrapped grilled cheeses and containers of pasta. You decided to start putting down your stack of paper plates, offering to help with other things-- answers still declined. "I'M SORRY, HUMAN, BUT I HAVE AN ORDER OF DOING THESE THINGS AND WHILE I WOULD LOVE TO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS BY MYSELF, THIS IS THE MOST EFFICIENT WAY." Bones explained.

* * *

This was awkward. Everybody was sat across from their counterparts, Skin's group and Sans' group looked about ready to kill each other. A separate table housed skeletons you were very curious about. Those skeletons-- if you could even call them that-- looked as if Sans and Papyrus had been fused together in some sort of horrific experiment; if Dire's explanation of Body was anything, they _were_. You recognised a figure from before, Body, as he gazed through you before shoving an entire burrito in his mouth. You gulped, turning around and starting to eat your food. Bones put an arm around your shoulder protectively as Edge glared at you from across the table. At least you finally knew what was made. Grilled cheeses, ravioli and burritos were what your group had prepared. The other cabin had prepared some basic food: hotdogs, crisps and vegetables. They had also made more elaborate foods that looked far less than edible: spaghetti, lasagne and tacos. Definitely made by Papyrus, Edge and not-Bleak.

Interestingly enough, not-Hound and not-Disarray were here as well. Disarray and his doppelganger looked very similar, both were wearing dark jeans and had a nasty scar running down their faces, but not-Disarray had no missing chunk of jawbone. Hound and his counterpart were actually getting along, though the sheer amount of alcohol they had downed certainly was a factor. "hey y/n?" Hound mumbled, standing up and stumbling towards you. "meet mutt."

Mutt was the not-Hound's name? Certainly fitting. Mutt chuckled, offering his hand to shake. "'sup. you meet the rest of the lodge yet?"

"No, I don't think I have. I've met Edge, Red, Sans, Stretch..." You rambled, "Where's Scream and Dread's doppelgangers?"

The skeleton looked absolutely confused, "uh... whose what now?" Mutt stammered.

You tilted your head, opening your mouth to speak before not-Disarray shouted something, "MUTT! GET OVER HERE AND STOP SOCIALISING WITH THOSE FREAKSHOWS!"

The two skeletons sighed, "coming, m'lord." Mutt waved to Hound before jogging off.

"so that guy's blackberry. he's m'lord in more ways than one." Hound chuckled, "mutt and black've got a similar relation."

You tipped your head, curious about something. "Why do the others dislike you all so much and why is Mutt the only one who doesn't?"

"that's a story for another day, mate. right now, maroon's having a hell of a time." The skeleton pointed towards Maroon, who was currently trying to sing. Emphasis on trying.

"an' all i want fer today is you..!" Maroon slurred, "an' somethin'... somethin', uh, gyftmas... make my wish come true, all i want fer gyftmas is you..." He seemed to be getting more tired by the minute before collapsing. Nobody seemed to want to point out that it wasn't Gyftmas, it wouldn't be for several months. You let out a chuckle, although you were worried for his safety as he slid off of the chair and onto the soft grass below, Maroon was snoring loudly.


	21. Ridiculous Robots and Relative Rows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a puzzle between proxy Pure Puzzlers (patent pending) perplexes both a protagonist and the prior Pure Puzzlers. In which dust is thicker than water, but is just as fluid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not proofread, probably a few mistakes. I just wanted to learn how to write robots today and so here we are.

"Are you... positive that this is safe?" You asked as you approached what you were certain to be your demise. You weren't doubting Bones' abilities to make safe puzzles, but you had bad experiences with another trap quite recently. This one in particular was even more dangerous-looking than the last one, a large chasm was dug out of the ground and a bridge tied securely to either end. You had no clue how it was going to work, but if you fell there was definitely no way you'd land unscathed. Apparently, it was a collaborative project between all of the energetic skeletons.

"OF COURSE! I'VE EVEN TESTED IT, AND ONLY TWO OUT OF ONE ANIMALS WERE INJURED! AND ONLY SIX WERE KILLED!" Despite the sugary-sweet tone to Bones' voice, his reply didn't sooth your nerves. You didn't have the heart to tell him, but you knew you wouldn't be taking a step any time soon.

This time, Dire was next to speak. "THIS ONE MAY PROVE TO BE QUITE... CRUSHING, FOR THIS IS THE DEADLY ROPE BRIDGE OF DOOM!"

"I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO CALL IT THE 'BRIDGE TWISTED OF A THOUSAND NIGHTMARES?'" Disarray pouted, seeming upset. "BAH, IT DOESN'T MATTER. YOUR TASK IS TO CROSS THIS BRIDGE IN THREE, TWO..." Disarray gestured towards Skin, "SKIN, THAT'S YOUR CUE!" The skeleton hissed.

"don't worry, kid, it'll be fine." Skin rested a hand on your shoulder, comforting despite the fact that this was likely scripted if Disarray's 'cue' was anything to go off of. "besides, i've walked this bridge countless times underground. bones' got a good memory, he's got the exact dimensions down somewhere. i'm just hoping that they haven't done something insane." It was at that moment when Bones sidestepped, foot landing on a button. A horrific screech rang out as a _trapdoor_ opened from the ground at the bottom of the chasm.

* * *

Your eyes widened in shock as a large, metal structure began to rise. "yeah, like that." Skin grumbled. The metal structure seemed to be made of an irridescent material, one that shone with both violet and cyan hues. The main piece was shaped just like Bleak's skull-- or Dread's, the two had very similar features even compared to the rest of the Skin-equivalents-- and was hovering in place with a constant stream of fire; large speaker-like apparatus replaced each eyesocket, though the robot had no mouth. A large antenna was on the very top of the robot's skull, a long cord wrapping around it. Two things that you almost mistook as cannons were floating as the machine's 'shoulders', a dome on each that contained Bleak and Dread.

"I TOLD YOU I HAD SOMETHING PLANNED!" Bleak shouted, sound likely coming from the radio that served as the right eyesocket. "THIS IS ROBLEAK PART TWO! THE FIRST ONE HAD SOME... TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, BUT THIS IS BACK BIGGER THAN EVER!"

Dread cleared his throat, "ON AN UNRELATED NOTE, DON'T CHECK ABOUT TWELVE MINUTES EAST. THERE IS NOT A MASSIVE, SMOKING CRATER THERE, AND IF YOU SEE ONE YOU'RE HALLUCINATING. THIS IS THE ANDREAD, DISREGARD WHAT HE SAID."

You turned back around to see Screech, Hound and Scream quickly retreating back. Skin was practically fuming. "are you two bloody mad? what kind of sick joke is this?!" You had never heard Skin _that_ angry before, nor have you ever seen him mad at one of his cabinmates. "is this what you two did in your undergrounds? make massive robots?"

"NO, I JUST HAD SOME ROBOT DESIGNS AND DREAD ASKED THE ORIGINAL FOR A FEW TONNES OF SCRAP METAL AND A TINY BIT OF URANIUM!" Bleak sounded totally okay with the whole idea, "THIS IS TO SEE WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED IF DISARRAY'S TRAP HADN'T BROKEN THE HUMAN'S LEG!"

"HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT I FORGOT!" Disarray yelled up at the machine, "NOW, WHAT'S THIS THING SUPPOSED TO DO?"

Neither skeleton replied for several minutes. Disarray growled, "DIDN'T YOU TWO BUILD IT SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS TRAP?"

"IT'S SUPPOSED TO GIVE A GIFT TO THE HUMAN." Dread looked rather frustrated, "NOW WE JUST NEED TO FIND THE BUTTON THAT DOES IT."

Skin's palm hit his face. "it's probably the only labeled one. you two tend to forget the other things."

Once again, a long pause. "ALL OF THEM ARE THE ONLY LABELED ONE!" Bleak cried out, Dread frantically pacing in his dome.

"of course." Skin looked completely finished with the skeletons' shit, but you found the entire situation quite amusing.

You found it far less amusing when Bleak asked you to guess a random number. "Four?"

Bleak let out a grunt of affirmation before a panel in the center of the robot's 'face' opened, revealing a large, very _real_ missile. It would've been a funny sight, the panel was the robot's nose-hole thing. "WRONG BUTTON." Dread hissed, looking extremely panicked even from the confines of the cockpit. It was soon made clear why: the rocket was pointed the wrong way. What made it worse was when another panel opened up-- one showing an analog countdown.

* * *

"gee, you think?"

"IT'S COUNTING DOWN, WHAT DO I DO?" Bleak all but screamed. 

Skin sighed, "i don't know, press the _labeled button_!"

"WE'RE GOING TO DIE, SKIN, AND YOU THINK IT'S TIME TO JOKE?!" Bones yelled from the other side of the bridge. Dire and Disarray were already scrambling away, trying to get out of the way as Bones and Skin continued their arguments.

**Ten**, "well maybe these jokes are helpful, you know that? these jokes have been the only thing keeping me going for almost thirty years now!" You began searching for something you could use to climb up onto the robot. A fallen log caught your gaze, you rushed over to it and began trying to pull it towards the mech. While the wood itself was rotten and decaying, it was still useful as a platform.

"I LIKE YOUR JOKES, BROTHER, BUT THEY'RE TOO MUCH! I KNOW YOU CAN'T REMEMBER, BUT YOU'VE SAID THE SAME EXACT JOKE FIFTEEN TIMES IN THE PAST DAY!"

Skin's expression soured, "i find them rather _humerus_." The short skeleton's face lit up ever slightly at the joke.

Bones glowered, "MAKE THAT SIXTEEN. SIXTEEN TIMES IN THE PAST DAY. AND EVEN IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER, YOU DON'T EVEN _TELL _ME WHEN YOUR AMNESIA'S ACTING UP! YOU DON'T TELL ME UNLESS YOU ALMOST ATTACK SOMEONE, AND EVEN THEN YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING!" He screeched, "AND IF I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T HELP YOU!"

"papyrus, i know it seems like i don't care- i, do! i care about you more than _myself_ in some, uh... in some cases. i don't even know who you are sometimes, and it's hard to--" Skin stammered, before the clock ticked again. **Nine**.

"YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME ANYTHING! DO YOU KNOW HOW _DIFFICULT_ IT IS TO DRAG YOU AROUND WITH ME EVERY DAY BECAUSE YOU DON'T GIVE THE BARE MINIMUM OF FUCKS ABOUT YOURSELF?" Bones gesticulated wildly as he spoke. You had no clue what to do, you had never seen them fight so much. **Eight**.

Skin had completely gone silent, watching his brother ramble with a tired, exhausted look in his eyes. Bones continued speaking, "...YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS, YOU CAN'T HOLD UP YOUR FACADE FOREVER, AND IT HURTS ME TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS! YOU CAN'T EVEN _USE_ MAGIC ANYMORE, AND YOU ACT LIKE IT'S FINE THAT YOU'RE LITERALLY FALLING APART?"

You gulped, you had no business in the argument, but that part hit you hard. Was Skin really that injured? It made sense, but... you sat down the fallen log. "Hey, guys? I don't want to rush you or anything, but..." **Seven**. "The others still need help."

* * *

Bleak and Dread were still trapped in their respective domes, the two looking more distressed by the second. **Six**. Dread was trying to break his way out. You were about halfway to the robot before Dread spoke, "GOD DAMMIT BLEAK, WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS SO DIFFICULT?! THERE'S NO ESCAPE HATCH!"

Bleak was searching frantically, trying to find anything else he could use to escape. "WELL, I'M SORRY I FOLLOWED BASIC DESIGN PRINCIPLES! IT WOULDN'T BE GOOD IF A BEAR BROKE THROUGH THE GLASS, NOW WOULD IT?"

"TELL ME, HOW WOULD A BEAR BREAK THROUGH THE GLASS ON A _FLOATING ROBOT_?" Dread screeched.

"I DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT USED A LADDER TO CLIMB ONTO THIS THING! MAYBE BEARS WOULD CLIMB IT, TOO!"

Dread and Bleak were in an argument all of their own. "I WOULDN'T WANT TO FALL TO MY DEATH IF I SLIPPED!"

Skin was breathing heavily as Bones realised the dire situation (heh, Dire) and began to panic, frantically searching for a way to help. Dread managed to break through the glass and began to climb out just as the timer reached **zero**. You winced, expecting the worst. Bleak was still trapped inside, and you wanted to get him out. Dread jumped, though he missed the bridge entirely and fell to the ground below with a thud and a yelp.

Skin and Bones were still trying to get to Bleak safely-- safely was a massive overstatement as Bones threw Skin up towards the robot with all his strength. Skin landed with a clang, but you realised something. At that moment, the rocket fell out of the machine. _It wasn't fueled, it couldn't have done anything_. Bleak seemed to realise this, too, though Skin was still shimmying up the metal object as the floating shoulder began to lean, eventually crashing into the metal skull of the robot.

* * *

Before you could do anything, the robot crashed to the ground, massive billowing plumes of smoke and dirt rising from the debris. The glass dome that contained Bleak was shattered on the impact, the tiny skeleton scrambling to get out of the way just as it exploded. _Skin was still in there_! You, Bones and Bleak screamed as a one last puff of smoke drifted lazily from the machine. You heard loud, raucous laughter behind you. "you really thought that was it? nah, i'm here to bother you all for _at least_ a few more years." It was Skin! But how?

"BROTHER?!" Bones turned around, rushing towards Skin and pulling him into a hug-- the action literally lifting the smaller off of the ground. "YOU'RE ALRIGHT? BUT HOW?"

"guess i learned how to use magic, after all." Skin smirked. "you're really the best motivator, bro."

"I KNOW I AM! BUT... ARE YOU OKAY?" Bones' grip grew ever-tighter and you could've sworn you heard the sound of Skin's bones creaking and cracking.

Skin winced, "yeah, i'll be fine. i marrowly escaped that one."

Bones' eyesockets grew to an almost cartoonish proportion, glaring at his brother in an act that showed no malice. Without saying a word, the tall skeleton dropped the other.

* * *

Eventually, the group had returned home. Bleak and Screech were talking on the couch about something you couldn't hear, Skin and Bones were who-knows-where. Every skeleton was back home as if nothing had happened. Scream cleared his throat when you sat down on the other sofa. "you happen to know where dread went?"

You stand corrected, _a__lmost_ every skeleton was back home. "Oh shit."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an undead creature is recovered from the explosion of an abomination of science

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had a candy for every time my computer stopped working or overheated and turned off in the middle of writing, I'd have four candies.
> 
> Not proofread

"I'M FINE!" Dread protested as Bones finished wrapping his wrist. The skeleton was covered in a comedically large amount of gauze. Despite his claims otherwise, everybody in the cabin agreed that he was injured. The skeleton was practically squished flat when he was found, a hole in the ground was left when he was peeled out of the mud. You had made the suggestion that he go to the hospital instead of back to the cabin, but that was a no-go from skeletons who claimed that moving him much could injure him further. Fortunately, you had been able to call an ambulance. Surprisingly, Dread wasn't completely crushed by the robot, surviving the crash with far less injury than you had expected.

Now the entire group was in the cabin, Dread sprawled out on the couch. It had been a nightmare getting him back until Hound managed to work up the energy for a shortcut. You raised a brow, "Really now? How many fingers am I holding up?" You raised two, and you saw his eyelights shrink as if squinting, two purple lights flickering as if disoriented.

"TWELVE?" Dread definitely had a concussion. You sighed and Dread let out a low growl. "NO, TWELVE'S TOO LOW. SEVENTY? EIGHTY-NINE? SIXTY?"

Bleak shook his head, "DREAD, HUMANS ONLY HAVE FIVE FINGERS ON EACH HAND." You knew that Bleak understood the situation and you knew just how nervous he was, it was surprising just how well he was dealing with this.

"OH."

"How much do you hurt? Scale of one to ten." You asked, you wanted to get a general idea of how much pain Dread was in. Until someone got here you'd try your best to make sure he was comfortable.

It took several minutes for Dread to answer, him obviously thinking about what he was going to say to reduce the group's reaction. "ELEVENTEEN." You opened your mouth to speak before Bones stopped you.

"HUMAN; IF DREAD’S HURT ENOUGH THAT HE ISN’T USING PROPER WORDS, IT’S BEST THAT A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL CONTINUE THIS." Dire rested a hand on your shoulder. The skeleton was surprisingly calm about all of this-- you wondered how many times something like this must've happened for him to have no visible reaction.

You nodded, moving out of the way as Dire started pacing and asking questions. You flinched as a knock on the door startled you. The skeletons scrambled to find a hiding place, only Scream staying and rushing to the door. He opened it by the third knock and frantically began explaining the situation to a trio of paramedics. “m’bro’s this way. he’s concussed but conscious, alert. time of injury, i’d say… about noon. definitely in shock, fractured upper and lower body…” The skeleton sounded like an auctioneer with how fast he was speaking as he led the paramedics towards the cartoonishly bandaged Dread.

“Sir, if you could please calm down.” A taller EMT’s eyes widened as he saw Dread glaring at him. “Is he a child? How did a child end up like this?”

Dread’s fingers twitched, you had enough time to make sure that he wasn’t about to do something he’d regret. “He’s not a child, he’s an adult. But he was crushed under some debris--”

A shorter paramedic, one that made you think of Maroon in appearance cleared his throat. “How heavy was th’anvil?” And he sounded like him, too. But now wasn’t the time to think about how funny that question was in itself.

“UP YOURS,  _ DOC _ . FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THE  _ ROBOT _ WAS SIXTEEN TONNES.” Dread hissed.

Scream only sighed, “bro, don’t be an asshole.”

“BUT THIS IS HUMILIATING!” Dread winced as an even shorter paramedic raised a hand over the wounded skeleton’s chest, an upside-down heart rose through the bandages. The object had a hairline fracture, but was glowing a faint greyish violet. Dread caught your gaze and hastily looked away. You could see his skull glowing even though they were under bandages.

Scream nudged you. You felt somewhat inconsiderate, you should’ve known what the upside-down heart was and knew not to stare! You turned around quickly, and Scream chuckled as one of the paramedics spoke. “Well, his SOUL’s not that damaged, but he’s incredibly lucky. You say it was sixteen  _ tonnes _ ? How did you survive?”

You thought it safe enough to turn back around and you did, relieved to see that you couldn’t see the culmination of Dread’s being. Not that you found it weird, you actually found it quite interesting! But you knew it was something your friend was embarrassed about and you didn’t want to add to his current situation.

“FOUND A POCKET IN THE GROUND, TOOK COVER.” Dread explained. “NOW. IF YOU MIND, CAN YOU DO YOUR JOB?”

“Right, right, sorry. You’re definitely going to have to go to the hospital.” The short EMT spoke. “Does moving hurt?”

“I AM IN CONSIDERABLE PAIN. OF COURSE MOVING HURTS, YOU… YOU…” Dread all but shouted before letting out an exasperated sigh. “I CAN’T EVEN THINK OF A PROPER INSULT.”

You opened your mouth to speak before Scream stopped you. “kid, don’t. dread’s had a long day, at least he’s still calm.”

* * *

Hospitals had always freaked Dread out. Perhaps it was a bad experience Underground, perhaps it was just an irrational fear. The second he was wheeled into the clean, bleached room, Scream’s brother looked about ready to bolt. “I’M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS.”

“dread, we’ve been over this. you’ll be alright.” Scream assured the skeleton. “you’re going to be here until we’re certain you’re fine.”

“HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY? WHEN THE… ‘DOCTORS’ WERE THERE?” The bandaged skeleton asked, Scream raised a brow. Honestly, he didn’t know. Most of it was just things he had mentioned before.

Dread only grumbled. Of course, Dread hadn’t wanted you to ‘see him in such a weakened state’ like the prideful skeleton he was. Currently, the two brothers were the only people in the room. While Dread was worried because of the hospital itself, Scream was worried about another related factor.

The ambulance didn’t have  _ any _ siren. The ambulance was able to get to the cabin with  _ no information _ on the location. And the paramedics themselves were sketchy, sounding and acting like familiar skeletons. Scream didn’t like this one bit.

Of course, Scream was snapped out of his thoughts by a knock at the door. That sure happened a lot, didn’t it? A doctor on the other end opened it. Only from looking at him, Scream knew the guy was nervous. From the caramel hair that looked as if he had stuck a fork in a wall socket to his fidgeting hands it was easy to tell. The guy was also sweating a storm as the hooded skeleton stared through him. “So, uh… X-ray came back. He’s broken literally every bone an injury like that could break. But that’s… not the most concerning bit.”

Scream frowned. He wasn’t  _ expecting _ a more concerning bit. “and that is?”

“Besides his warped spine? He’s got a massive crack in his skull.” The doctor asked. Scream squinted to read his nametag, a Cor Fortem? Ironic. But Cor’s answer raised several suspicions in Scream’s fractured mind.

“THAT’D EXPLAIN THE MIGRAINE.” Dread chuckled, “BUT, UH… WHAT’S THAT ABOUT A WARPED SPINE? I KNOW I’M  _ SHORT _ , BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS, UH… MORE GENETIC OR MAGIC BASED.” That made sense, of course. Bleak was even shorter than Dread and that was obviously a magic imbalance, and Disarray was just a tad taller. Scream had always thought it magic-based. Guess not.

It took longer than usual for Scream to think of an appropriate name to call his brother. Doctors were smart-- even if this one wasn’t-- and would probably be able to piece that Dread wasn’t a real name. “copperplate, you’re focusing on the wrong thing.”

“REALLY NOW? IT’S NOT LIKE THE WOUND’S BAD! I HAVE TONNES OF CRACKS IN MY SKULL AND NONE OF THEM HAVE KILLED ME!” Dread exclaimed, attempting to gesticulate for emphasis only to groan in pain as his arms only twitched.

Doctor Fortem shook his head. “This one’s even worse than your other cracks. I’d say about four centimetres in width, goes from your occipital to your temporal… Not good. That’ll be difficult-- not impossible, just difficult to heal.” At least it wasn't an impossible injury to heal properly.

Scream was worried. A gash in the skull was usually permanent unless all the pieces were found and reattached before they dusted, and if the injury happened several hours ago... Both brothers gulped. “you have a phone i can use?”


	23. All Fells in Wounds and Sales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dread is somewhat fine-ish and you make a decision.

You waited outside the room, hoping beyond anything you've ever hoped before that Dread was okay. You had wondered why the other skeletons didn't come with you and the brothers until you remembered. Right, skeletal secrets. Of course, that didn't stop Dire from occasionally popping by to see if you had any info. Not that you held it against him, but his frequent visits made you wonder why he didn't want to stay. "SO, SANS SHOWED UP AT THE CABIN. SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SCR-- _COPPERPLATE_ CALLING AND SAYING THAT IT WAS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT."

"Really? What'd Sans say, Roman?" The skeleton had insisted you call him 'Roman' so as not to cause any suspicion.

Dire frowned. "I DON'T RECALL. DO YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON THE STATE OF... UH..." The skeleton seemed to be having difficulty making a name.

You gulped. "Dread's a resistant skeleton, just like you." You were worrying, too, but you decided to try and comfort your friend.

The skeleton gave a soft chuckle as he sat on the chair beside you. The chair let out a squeak of protest. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE THE TRUTH, HUMAN. YOU'RE WORRIED."

You raised a brow. You knew what he was talking about, of course you were worried about Dread. Dire continued, "AND I'M WORRIED TOO. I'VE... DEALT WITH THINGS LIKE THIS BEFORE. MY BROTHER'S 'ACCIDENT' MADE ME THINK HE'D NEVER GET BETTER. BUT HE DID." You knew what he was talking about. His expression switched to a far more upbeat one almost instantaneously, "AND BACK THEN, I WASN'T NEARLY AS GREAT AS I AM NOW!"

You smiled softly, "You are the Great and Terrible Roman, after all."

"OBVIOUSLY! OF COURSE, EVEN THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE ROMAN WORRIES FROM TIME TO TIME! YOU'RE ALLOWED TO WORRY, TOO." The skeleton's sudden burst of optimism made you smile. The skeleton leaned in towards you, his voice a whisper. "And I know that you're equally as great as I."

* * *

You were about to say something just before the door opened. A very dazed Dread in a wheelchair was rolled out by a very exhausted Scream. "oh. cool." The skeleton winked at the two of you. "howzit goin', roman?"

"EXCELLENT, HOW'S YOUR BROTHER HOLDING UP?" Dire's expression soured as Scream gave information.

Scream shrugged. "pretty bad. gash in his head. doc says it's not fatal."

Dread scowled. "I'M RIGHT HERE, THANKS. NOW LET'S GET BACK TO THE CABIN SO YOU ALL CAN LOLLYGAG AROUND. I'VE HAD ENOUGH HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE FOR ONE LIFETIME."

Scream nodded, "great idea. fortunately, i know a shortcut."

You and the trio stood (or in Dread's case, sat) outside the hospital. Dire scowled, "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY PLANNING ON TAKING ALL OF US ACROSS? I KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A SHORTCUT WITHOUT US BEING HERE."

"relax, dire, i know what i'm doing."

"YEAH, YEAH. I JUST DON'T FANCY ME HAVING TO PULL YOU OUT OF THE CABIN WALL AGAIN BECAUSE YOUR USELESS ARSE GOT TOO CARELESS WITH YOUR MAGIC THAT-- MAY I REMIND YOU-- YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE USING." Dire sighed.

Scream frowned. "i'm not completely useless."

Dire chuckled and you had the thought to scold the sharp skeleton. You knew better. "Dire, Scream's right. If he knows what he's doing, he can go back with Dread."

"KEH. FINE. JUST DON'T BLAME ME WHEN I SAY 'I TOLD YOU SO.'"

Scream nodded, and before Dire could make any more retorts the skeleton vanished alongside his brother. You were left alone with Dire. "GOOD RIDDANCE." Dire muttered to himself. "NOW, HUMAN, I HAVE A QUESTION TO ASK OF YOU."

You let out of hum of acknowledgement. "What is it, Dire?"

"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SELL THE HOUSE TO US?" Dire's questioning stopped you.

"What do you mean?" You had no clue what he was talking about.

Dire's fists clenched. "HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN? YOU SAID YOU WOULD."

"When did I say that?"

"DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME, HUMAN. I KNOW YOU'RE TOO SENTIMENTAL TO SELL THIS CABIN." Dire gripped your wrist as he led you through the woods. "BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR TO US."

You genuinely had no clue what he was saying. "Dire, you know me. I don't play games with people. I don't--"

"SHUSH. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH SKIN'S BEEN WORRYING? ALL OF US HAVE. WE DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE EVER GOING TO PROPERLY SELL THE CABIN TO US, OR IF WE'LL BE ON EGGSHELLS UNTIL YOU DO." Dire snarled.

You remembered, but Dire continued ranting. "YOU'RE NOT REALLY THAT DENSE, ARE YOU? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SKIN AND THE OTHERS HAVE BEEN TRYING THEIR DAMNDEST TO GET ON YOUR GOOD SIDE SO THAT WE'LL HAVE ANY AMOUNT OF CERTAINTY IN OUR LIVES. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE LO--"

A voice from behind startled both of you. "boss, stop!" Maroon was incredibly out of breath, panting and wheezing as if he had ran a marathon.

"WHAT IS IT, SANS?" Dire hissed.

Maroon sighed, "dontcha think that threatening the human's a bad way ta git 'em ta give us the cabin?"

Dire didn't respond. He seemed to be thinking. Of course, you took the opportunity to leave while you had the chance. You didn't want to be caught in the confrontation.

* * *

While you were attempting to find your way back to the cabin, you had enough time to think about what the skeleton had said._You're not really that dense, are you? ... Do you have any idea how much Skin's been worrying? ... We'll be walking on eggshells until you do._ Were the skeletons really that concerned about you selling the cabin to them? Well, that makes sense. After all, you had promised to hand over the property nearly nine months ago.

You felt guilty. If they had been pressured into being friends with you so that they'd get the house, then... Well. You always had a tendency to forget about things. You knew that all too well. The constant messages on your phone from your dad and your friends had gone unread for several months now. You had even forgotten about your job and ended up getting fired. You had probably been evicted from your apartment at this point.

Eventually, however, you found the cabin. You took a deep breath and opened up the door. You had made a decision, you were going to sell the property.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay. I've finally relearned how to make Clever Chapter Compellations (patent pending)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is going to be a weird one. More skeletons will be introduced besides the ones in this chapter, but this'll be going to become something akin to a "Six Skeletons" setup, except with more than six main skeletons.  
The reader starts out meeting only the HT, HF, HS, HFS, HSF brothers. They don't get to meet the UT!Bros first.
> 
> Nicknames for the skelebros (both major and minor characters) are as follows:  
HT Bros: Skin/Axe (HT!Sans), Bones/Crooks (HT!Paps)  
HS Bros: Bleak (HS!Sans), Screech (HS!Paps)  
HF Bros: Maroon (HF!Sans), Dire (HF!Paps)  
HSF Bros: Dread (HSF!Sans), Scream (HSF!Paps)  
HFS Bros: Disarray (HFS!Sans), Hound (HFS!Paps)  
Sixfright (Horrortale Sixbones): Body  
\--  
Underfell: Red (UF!Sans), Edge (UF!Paps)  
Underswap: Stretch (UF!Paps)  
Fellswap: Black (FS!Sans), Mutt (FS!Paps)
> 
> More nicknames will be added as time goes on and more characters are introduced.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Spooky Scary Halloween](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20960123) by [NameNameDoesStuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NameNameDoesStuff/pseuds/NameNameDoesStuff)
  * [Alternate Amalgam Adventures](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22622548) by [NameNameDoesStuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NameNameDoesStuff/pseuds/NameNameDoesStuff)


End file.
